Tip For Parents of Children in Diapers

A friend gave me this tip that has proven to be the most valuable piece of information I have received since having babies. She gave me a bed pad or "rubber sheet" as she called it. It is a waterproof pad you can put in a crib. She suggested putting down a crib sheet, then the pad, then another sheet. This way, when diapers leak in the middle of the night, you simply remove the sheet and the pad and you have a clean, dry sheet without having to change the bed in the middle of the night when you are fumbling around half asleep. The waterproof pads also come in a size that fits a changing table. I use those on the bed too since the boys are still pretty small.

Speaking of the boys and sleeping arrangements: they are now sleeping in separate beds. The doctor suggested angling their mattresses at a slight degree for improving their reflux and spit up problems. I decided to finally take his advice in the middle of the night one day this week. I rolled up a bath towel and placed it under the mattress on one side. There is no way to place two babies in a single crib now because they would roll over to far and probably suffocate in the crib bumpers. I think these new arrangements have helped because they are sleeping better with less tummy trouble. We are also making them wake up during the day so that they will go the full 4 hours between feedings.

Cole has graduated from newborn to a size 1 diaper. I'm sure Aidan could go to a size 1 as well, but the newborn still fits him without leakage. Cole's butt is getting too big. They are also starting to outgrow some clothes. When they were first born, it was hard to imagine them ever being any bigger. I just can't wait to see them smile for the first time.

More (liberal) political humor.

Here's the new 'do. (What you can see of it...) 

I had something to blog but it just left my mind... oh well.

I went for the interview today. If offered this job, I have the option of working 4 10-hour days. With three days off, I could spend time with my babies! The shifts available are evening shifts, which would mean less time with my husband. I told the woman interviewing me that everything in my life has changed since having children. My career goal at this time is to work in a position where I can obtain the supervised hours towards my social work licsense. I will have more options open to me. Community social work will still be my first love, but having those credentials just opens more doors for me. I could have a private practice, I could be a consultant, etc. etc. At this point in my life, it just makes sense.

got the hair cut today. see below.

i hope i get that stinkin' job.

I called my contact about the job my co-worker told me about yesterday. She wants to interview me tomorrow. All she asked me was "What's your degree?" I hope this will be a viable option for me. My co-worker said she thought it was a 3-11 shift. I would love to go back to work and tell my boss to "Shove it," Theresa Heinz-Kerry style.

I'm going to get my hair cut tomorrow. The only reason I am doing this is because my mother in law is paying for it. She can be nice, but I always wonder about the underlying reasons for doing this for me. I'll have to take some before and after pictures... I guess I better go buy a battery for the camera. I have until about 10 pm before the next feeding. That should be enough time for a run to Le Target. Thank goodness for gift cards from returned baby gifts!

Yes, it really is almost 4 am. By the time I finish this post, it will be 4 am.

I can't turn my mind off. I hate that about my mental state sometimes. One of my classes in grad school went indepth into severe mental illnesses and personality disorders. We all wondered at the defintions and diagnoses because we could all see aspects of ourselves in the disorders, especially personality disorders. The professor of this class said that everyone probably has some of these attributes at sometimes, but to call it an illness was a matter of severity.

I went into all of that just to say that I often get these "manic" tendencies. I have periods of time where I have more energy than usual and my mind won't shut off. For someone with the illness bipolar disorder, the mania would be so severe that they could not function. Now, you might say that I won't be able to function tomorrow or the next day when the sleep deprivation hits. That just might speak to the subjective nature of diagnosing mental illnesses.

Whew! what a tangent.

I fed the boys at 2 am. They both have been down for almost an hour. They have not been quiet since. I can't tell if both of them are making noises or if it is just one of them. It would be funny if it were in the middle of the day or if I weren't trying to sleep. When my mom kept them last night, she upped their bottle to 4 ounces. They have been going 4 hours between feedings since she did that. So if they continue that pattern, I have about 2 more hours I could sleep if I could fall asleep now.

I just started taking my birth control pills again. I wonder if those hormones are keeping me awake. I wish I could take some benadryl, but that would make me too sleepy.

I'm sure that you are falling asleep reading this extremely boring post. I will bore you no longer!

I put a few more new pictures on my photoblog. The battery in the camera died last night. Our bank account is dead too, so I suppose I won't be taking any pictures until we get another battery. That won't happen until I get paid again, which is not until the 7th. My husband got overzealous with paying medical bills, which could have waited a little longer.

You must go to this website. Political humor for people on both sides.

Just got back from the doctor. It was my 6 wk. postpartum visit. Everything is fine. I can't believe it's been 6 weeks.

It has been a whirlwind around here the past few days. Keri and Aaron, college friends, came to visit. My cousin is in town and she came by twice. My aunt, uncle and their three children are in town and I visited with them last night. I ended up letting my mom take the boys home to spend the night there. I was exhausted and had a headache. Benadryl made for some sweet sleep last night.

I've heard about some job opportunities that I will be working on today. I get sick to my stomach every time I think about going back to work. I'm trying to put a positive spin on it all, but I find it hard to do. Any suggestions are welcome!

I missed the fact that yesterday was my official due date. I wouldn't have been able to move without a crane if I had gone full term.

My doula came for my post-partum visit Wednesday. She writes the birth story for the mother and then a condensed to be placed in the baby book. I'll have to re-copy it on my blog because she did a great job. I blogged what I could remember, but there are details she included, especially after the surgery, that I did not remember.

I wish that there were more demand for doulas and/or that insurance would pay for their services. I found it to be the most valuable investment of my money I've ever made.

I still need ideas for work I can do from home.

EVERY time I encounter my mother in law, she has something negative to say. She came by to get her video camera for something tonight. She brought one of her friends; they are both elementary school teachers.

Her Friend: Are you ready to go back to work or are you dreading it?
Me: I do not want to go back to work
MIL: Well, have you found out how long it would take you to go back to school to be a guidance counselor or a teacher? You could at least have the summers off.
Me: No not really. I've looked some, but not in-depth. I don't think I will really be happy unless I find some way to work from home.
MIL: (laughs) Well, I guess you just won't ever be happy then, will you!!
Me: (screaming on the inside) get out of my house you negative witch!!!

I told my mom what she said. Everyone else I talk to about this issue has been positive. They have said things like, "What could you do?" or "I hope you find something." I said, "I can do whatever I want to do!" My mom says, "Yes, you've always decided what you wanted and done exactly that." Thank you, God, for giving me to my mom when I was born and not my mother in law.

Yes, I will find some way to stay at home.
Yes, I will be happy.
Yes, her negative comments have given me even more fuel for this fire!

So much has been going on around here. I often don't know whether to blog everything or just certain things that seem "interesting." I think this issue of blogging the mundane or having something pithy and intersting to say in a blog is one that a lot of people are talking about, on their blogs at least. I think it is pretentious to say that I am interesting in the first place. I have friends that read my blog to see how I am doing. I use it to rant and vent about things that bother me -- it is a place where I can place my thoughts without hurting anyone (well, as long as they don't read it).

I also find it burdensome to think that I would always have to entertain people with my blog. I didn't create it for entertainment purposes (nor for edutainment! I know Jeremy is happy to see that word :) Scooterdeb has aptly named her blog "Cheaper than Therapy." That's exactly what it is.

The babies are crying, and I know Aidan is tired. He is fighting sleep. I am so worn out. Cory says he needs a break. Then, I end up with both babies in my arms after I tell him in an angry outburst that he is impatient with them. He goes to the bedrooma and slams the door. Aidan and Cole are both wiggly and crying in my arms. Aidan wiggles so much he falls on the floor. Ohmigod!! I dropped my baby!!

I am mentally worn out tonight. Everyone is inconsolable.

New pictures on my photoblog to the left!!

What The .... !

Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.

Like I didn't know that already!

Mother In Law Rant

Do you ever feel like people are saying things to dogs and babies and really wanting YOU to hear what they are saying? This would be classified as passive aggressive behavior.

Let me explain. Mother in law (MIL) was here today. Don't get me wrong, I greatly appreciate her being here so that I could get about 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep. However, when it was time to feed the boys again, apparently Cole had a spit up problem. Woke hearing him screaming and her saying things like, "We need to tell mommy that this isn't working." Over and over and over again. She ALREADY makes comparisons between the boys that are extremely negative. She said to Cole, "You have a worse temper than brother. I thought brother had a temper but you are worse." All said in a sing-songy baby voice.

First of all, I don't know if she was WANTING me to wake up or not. I've already said that she has a loud voice. My house is VERY small (1000 sq. ft.). It is hard to not hear people talking, especially people who are loud. When I finally got up from bed, she said that she thought the new formula was worse than the old one they were on. I told her that they had not spit up like that for a day and a half. What I did not say was that the last time they did that was when SHE was here. It makes me wonder if there is a connection.

Second, adults impute emotions onto a baby's cries. Babies cry for specific reasons: hungry, dirty diaper, cold/hot, overstimulated, in pain, and probably one other I am forgetting. They are not mad, sad, etc. Crying is their way of communicating their needs. Some babies are more sensitive than others, and therefore, they are more needy. I see this already with my boys. Aidan is a little more needy than Cole. So stop making comparisons!They are only a month old for gosh sakes!

The sad things is, I knew this would be a problem with the MIL. She has another grandson who is 5 years old. She talks about him losing weight TO HIS FACE all the time. He already calls himself fat. She obsesses about weight. I am sick of it and get tired of hearing about it. She clearly has some emotional reason why she eats and needs to deal with that. Nobody likes to hear you complain about how fat you are all the time. Do something about it or don't complain!

I used to think that she was a relatively intelligent person. Now I think she might be if she weren't so dang ADHD and controlling. Cory was talking to her on the phone last night and trying to tell her about Jackie. She apparently interrupted him repeatedly. When someone does that, they are effectively saying, "What you are telling me is not important."

Oh yeah, and she left Cole in the swing UNBELTED. I feel like I have to baby sit her and the boys when she is here. Sheesh.

Everyone must be sleeping in today. Not many blogs yet.

The mother in law is here. That's all I'll say right now. More to come...

My mom kept saying yesterday, "You are going to be hurting tomorrow." Mom is always right. I wish I had one Percoset left.

I can't tell if Jackie is in pain or has a broken spirit from being confined to the very small bathroom. The only reason we are keeping her inside is because the vet reminded me that flies could lay eggs in her wounds if she were outside. This problem is even more graphic in my mind after having read Dr. Bass's book about the Body Farm. A lot of their experiments and research there centered around insect activity after death. Apparently flies can smell blood and death miles away.

Well on that yummy note, I'm going to go take a "nap" while the boys are down.

What A Day

Rachael likes to read my blog so that she knows there are others who are having a bad day. Well, Rach, this one takes the prize.

Mom came over this morning, and we were working at getting things done around the house. I had the laundry going, and I was putting the boys' clothes away. Mom decided to take our recycling for us. She was trying to load her vehicle when our dog, Jackie, got out. The neighbor one house down has a large black dog chained up. Jackie likes to play with any dog, and she loves people. Mom came back inside to get me to help her get Jackie. I went outside and I heard Jackie yelping and screaming. I screamed, "Jackie!!" and started to run over there. I tripped and fell smack onto the neighbor's driveway. Mom screamed, "Alice!!" The neighbor grabbed Jackie as I went back into the house. I scraped my knees and my right arm. Jackie has two puncture wounds on the back of her neck.

My poor mother had me, Jackie and the boys to care for. Thank goodness the boys were asleep during this scene. However, they were due to eat within the hour. She brought me ice packs for my knees and 4 ibuprophen. When the medication kicked in, I went to the drugstore for some large bandages. I came back home and took Jackie to the vet. She is on antibiotics and will stay inside for a few days.

The neighbor came over and apologized and said that he called animal control on his own dog because it had turned mean. Animal Control came over just now and we were issued a warning for breaking the leash law. We keep her in the fence, but she is sneaky when ever you open the door and will try to get out.

So that has been my day.

Mom came by yesterday after taking her FMLA paperwork downtown for approval. She said it was so easy. They approved her leave. She will be caring for the boys until mid-October. Just enough time for me to find another job or come up with some creative way for me to stay at home. By creative, I mean, make enough money for me to have a job at home.
 
I talked to a friend the other day. Her baby is 5 months old. She is in the same boat as I am, however, she has one crucial difference: her husband is willing to work at scaling back their finances so that she can stay at home. Granted, this is a temporary thing for them, she will have to make some money. But she is not in my situation, (I think), where she makes more than her husband.
 
It just plain sucks to be the "breadwinner" and the baby-maker in the family. We really can't do with out either of our incomes, but it would hurt a lot more if I quit work altogether.  If I had it to do over, I would have planned for leaving work a lot better by saving money, etc. 20/20 hindsight as it is, I remain optimistic that something that meets all of my goals exists in this world. And if it doesn't, then, damnit, I am smart enough to CREATE something that meets my goals.
 
Speaking of creating, my mind keeps going back to childcare - but not in the sense that I will be placing my children in childcare. I keep thinking there is a niche for some kind of childcare co-op for working parents.  Preliminary ideas have me wondering if some of the larger companies in town would allow employees to take a few days each month to work in a childcare center.  There will always be a need for childcare, and the need is for quality care. If I could somehow prove that a co-op daycare would improve productivity or some other key capitalistic concept, then I might be able to get companies to buy in. We could be located downtown, maybe even in some donated space.  There might even be some grant monies out there for innovative childcare programs. Who knows? My mind won't stop. And the plus for me would be that I could be there with my own children.
 
Yet again, I should be asleep, but I haven't read my blogs today (yesterday, I mean).

Whoa Blogger did change. What is up with that?
 
I did too much yesterday, again. I decided to go to the mall and to le Target to make some returns and some purchases. We tried the stroller out for the first time. That is a real chore with two babies. We have the kind that you snap the baby carrier seats into the stroller. What a pain.
 
At the mall, people kept coming by and asking, "Oh, how adorable, are they twins?" We had them dressed alike and they were in a tandem stroller. Duh. "Are they boys or girls?" Um... do they look like girls because I don't think they do. You've seen the pictures, be honest, do they?
 
Mom said I should have a t-shirt made that says, "Yes. Boys."
 
At least no one tried to touch them. They would have gotten slapped.
 
I decided that every mom that has twins must be a stay at home mom. There were 3 other sets of twins at le Target at the time we were there, and we weren't there very long! One set of boy twins came in with mom and a big sister. The three of them were fighting over a two-seater shopping cart. The boys were about 3, maybe 4 years old. They were both screaming at the same time. My stomach sank. Apparently the mom promised them a toy to shut them up. My mom said she would have just left the store, no prizes for doing what is expected of you.
 
Cory started complaining about his ankle again. He injured it about 6 weeks ago after an incident with a cart at Lowe's. Now that he has a new job and stands on his feet for 8 hours a day, it is hurting again. What frustrates me is that both of my wrists have been hurting since I left the hospital. When I am alone with the boys, I have to sometimes lift an almost-eight lb. baby with one hand. Do you hear me complaining? Do you see me trying to get out of caring for them? That would be impossible. But last night he was clearly unhappy when he would have to get up from the couch to help me with them. Call the wah-mbulance. So I made a doctor appointment for him this morning. Please do something about it so that I don't have to take care of everyone around here.

Ok, the swaddling has broken down. They keep wrenching their arms out of the blankets, waking up and howling. I went back and reviewed the swaddling direction in Dr. Karp's book, but each time I tried, they still got free. Must think...

Thank you to Cathy for the thought-provoking link to banned books. I've read 32 of the books on the list. I find it quite interesting, humorous, and strangely sad that several of them are books I adore from my childhood. Shel Silverstein, Roald Dahl, Zilpha Keatly Snyder... I had (probably still have) all of their books. I guess those books have damaged me beyond repair, being the black sheep of my family and all.

The Father in Law

Cory's dad (Mike) and mom (Lavada) were divorced when Cory was about 6 years old. His dad cheated on his mom. When Cory and I met 5 years ago, his dad was living in Kentucky with his then girlfriend. He had married the woman from the affair previously and had another son with her. He divorced her and now had this girlfriend. Cory lived with his dad his Junior year in high school. Then he and the second wife broke up and he had to move back with his mom. I don't think he had seen his dad for several years before we got together.

Mike and his girlfriend broke up a few months later. He moved back here and has tried to re-establish his relationship with his sons. About a year and 1/2 ago, Mike met a woman online and ended up marrying her. She happens to be a distant relative of Cory's mom. So Mike moved in with the new wife, who lives across the highway from Cory's mom.

Mike is a very depressed man. He chain smokes, and my hunch is he's an alcoholic. He feels very guilty for a lot of things in his life, including not spending time with his own children when they were young. This is speculation, but I think Cory's other brother has a lot of problems because of his strained relationship with his dad. I digress...

Mike has guilt. He told us a few weeks ago that he wants to see his grandchildren and hates that he is being kept from seeing his other grandchild (Cory's nephew Austin). He thinks Lavada has a lot to do with keeping him from seeing Austin. He cried crocodile tears when he told us this. Guilt.

Now to the present. Yesterday I went to my mom's house with the boys. She was making dinner and she said Cory could come over there when he got off work. He didn't want to come. In fact, he forgot to tell me that his dad had planned on coming over to see the boys. Now his dad thinks that we are trying to keep him from seeing them because a similar situation occurred last week. Cory forgot to tell me then that he was coming over at a certain time. Anyway, he is feeling guilty, wants to see them, and gets paranoid when something happens and he can't.

That was a long, sordid, soap opera story that is a part of my family. I could tell a lot of those kinds of stories on both sides of our family. Sounds like novel fodder to me...

No one on my side of the planet has blogged yet this morning. I like having blogs from Australia to read when I am up this early.

Note to self: blog later about my father-in-law and his paranoia combined with extremely low self-esteem.

Epiphany
(if I had the ability to audioblog, I would place the Hallelujah chourus here)

We have the key to curing fussiness and inducing sleep!

Ok, I read the book "The Happiest Baby on the Block," which was a birthday gift from my mom. The doctor who wrote the book has a theory on colic that has nothing to do with the gastrointestinal system of infants. He theorizes that because of evolution, the human brain gets too big before the baby is really ready to leave the womb. Because of the size of the human head, babies are born about 3 months too early. For this reason, colic usually ends when a baby is around 3 months old. It will usually start in premature babies around their due date, when they "wake up."

His book contains a series of actions you follow in sequence to calm the fussy, colicky baby. They all work to simulate the womb environment, which he claims the babies need and miss since they are born about 3 months to early. My mom saw him on Oprah, and he calmed a screaming baby in 15 seconds.

Now, my boys by no means have colic. BUT they have been progressively more fussy as they approach their actual due date. They slept most of the first week or two they were here. You could attribute some of the fussiness to their diet. Since I've given up breastfeeding, of course, the formula is harder on their systems than breast milk. They don't have as much tummy trouble now that we've made some adjustments to their diet and other feeding issues. But they are still inconsolable at certain times of the day/night -- especially Aidan, Mr. Fireball (his name literally means "little fire").

This afternoon, my mom employed the first technique found in the magic book -- swaddling. Ok, we've been swaddling them since they were born but not the right way. You can't let them have their hands. Essentially, you wrap them like a mummy, with only the head showing. Aidan fought to move ANY part of his body. He would be almost asleep and then move his foot or something to wake himself up. Only 1 month old and already fighting sleep.

So tonight and this morning, I've been wrapping up my little mummies. They hate it at first, but it is amazing to see them go from screaming their heads off while you are wrapping them to sound asleep literally 5 seconds later. Oh, yes, they fight to get their hands out, but I am stronger than they are! (at least right now I am)

I read this book mentioned above, but for some reason, I've not been employing all of the actions correctly, especially the swaddling. My mom says she wishes she had that book when she had us as newborns, especially my middle brother. Apparently he cried all the time.

I wanted to share this with everyone before it left my mind. Hence the reason I am up at 5 am. If you are having trouble with a fussy infant or know someone who does or know someone who is pregnant, Dr. Karp's book is the best gift you could give!

One Month Doctor Visit

My mom and I took the boys to the doctor today for their one month visit. Aidan weighs 7 lbs., 3 oz. (up from 5 lbs., 10 oz two weeks ago). Cole weighs 7 lbs., 12 oz. (from 6 lbs., 4 oz.). They are both now "on the chart" for their height and weight, rather than below it. Aidan is 10th percentile and Cole is 15th.

We switched formulas and can even add a little rice to ease the spit up problems we've had. The doctor said we've been doing a great job and they both look great. Aidan has more control over lifting his head than Cole, but Cole's head is a lot bigger. Hence, we call him "punkin' head" now.

We still have to keep them away from large crowds of people, especially children, like in a church nursery. But mom and I took them to Wal-Mart this afternoon. We have a net that fits over the stroller, as well. This was an idea we got from another mom of twins who came very early.

The nurse we always have at the doctor's office has an attitude problem, however. She always talks down to me. I am crafting an assertive response to her next time she does it. Assertive, but not mean, condescending, or passive agressive like she is. (this is very difficult for me to do; I usually fall into the passive aggressive responses). Other than her attitude and my extreme weariness, today has been a good day.

We got the boys' pictures from the hospital today. They are pretty funny. I am hoping they will be posted soon on the Web Nursery website from the photo company. They look soooo different now!

Speaking of the boys, it is time for them to eat again. tomorrow they go to the doctor, and i will be asking how long these 3 hour feedings will last.

2 emails and then I will feed them. I wonder if I'll be back on here during the wee hours of the morning (do they call them "wee" hours because the babies wee-wee?)

Ok, yes it is 3:30 am. I am awake because I fed the boys and they are still awake. They have been mostly entertaining themselves, but I hear them now being a little fussy. I am hoping they will self soothe and not escalate into full blown crying.

Yesterday I went to some yard sales and found quite a few clothing items. Since my entire wardrobe will not fit in one place in my tiny house, I went through everything this past week. I culled quite a few things that no longer fit or are very out of style.

Update

Crying babies called to me. I have been awake (or semi-asleep) since 2:30 am when I fed them. I just fed them again at 5:30. It is now 6:15. I thought they would be awake and entertain themselves, but that was a futile thought.

Now, I am pretty tired, since I was tired to begin with. I went to see Spiderman 2 last night and almost fell asleep in the theater. Or I wanted to but didn't want to miss the action. I did too much yesterday.

We came home from the movie at 11 pm, and they had to eat at 11:30 pm. I got to sleep for about 2 hours. So I should really go to sleep now. I think I am tired now, more so than I was at 3:30 am.

One more thing... I was singing to the boys as they ate, and I remembered some songs from childhood that I had on vinyl records. I really would like to find them on CD or something for my boys. I tried Amazon, but they did not have them. I guess I'll just have to call a record store and maybe special order, if it exists. Any other places to search for old albums?

Milestones
It is a month to the day that I went into the hospital with pre-eclampsia. The boys will be one month old in a few days! Hard to believe...

Whoa Mama Highway Lake Love 8 Fame City 13 Loony-Bin Lane 33 Bog of Eternal Marriage 145 Valley of Depression 540 Please Drive Carefully

Username:

Where are you on the highway of life?

From Go-Quiz.com

And they got all of this from me typing in my name... All of the "cities" are strangely accureate for my life, well, except for maybe the "Fame City" one. That is, unless you count being on the front page of the newspaper as fame. At least my road sign did not say "Stop."

As I noted a few days ago, there are some really popular blogs out there. Apparently, many of them are facing blogger burn out.

It sounds like this burn out comes from people who don't have anything better to do but sit and wait to comment on certain blogs. I enjoy reading and commenting on blogs of interest, but some people need to find something better to do than demand the time of others who are blogging. I assume this pressure is why people like This Fish feel like leaving the blog world. One of my favorite political blogs, CounterSpin Central, has also stopped blogging.

The boys have taken turns being awake this afternoon. Now Aidan has been awake for an hour and 1/2. I hope for Cory's sake that they both decide to sleep tonight. I am going to bed now. I hope I get to sleep through the night!

Oh that reminds me! Last night when I asked Cory to help at 3:30 am and let me go to bed, he got a double whammy. Cole pooped so much his diaper came loose. Poop got everywhere! I had to get up to help him clean it up since Aidan was crying, too. Then as we sat there trying to get them to sleep, Aidan peed on Cory! He just took it all in stride. I think things are going to keep getting better with him.

I was ordered by my husband to go to bed. He will be getting up with the boys for the early AM feedings tonight/tomorrow. Bless him.

I'm going to post some more pictures to the Aidan and Cole photoblog and then I'll be going to bed. Maybe I'll read some of the book I borrowed from my mom, Dr. Bass's "Death's Acre." It's about the Body Farm a local professor created. He uses it to study the decomposition of dead bodies for forensic anthropology. Patricia Cornwell wrote a fiction book about it, too.

Midnight Party

The boys decided to have a party last night after their 12:30 am feeding. They were awake for 2 hours. I started to have a breakdown myself when they would not settle after that long. Everything is magnified when you have two. Not multiplicitive but geometric.

Here I am showing my nerdiness. Please correct me if I am wrong, but as I remember, a multiplicitive increase means you multiply times a certain number. You would think that having two babies would only magnify a problem times two. A geometric increase means you increase something to a certain power. So really, your problem increases by two to the Nth power. I'm not sure what N equals when you have twins, but I KNOW that the fussiness was more than just the fussiness of two babies put together. They feed on one another when they get that fussy. Add in Mom's lack of sleep = A Geometric increase in fussiness.

I didn't want to, but I had to wake up Daddy to help.

Tomorrow we are going to Mamaw's house. I am starting to dread her visits because she is just so loud. Some people just have a loud voice, and I guess they don't realize it. Or maybe they are used to it. My family is not loud. For some reason, Cory is not loud like his mom and his brother. She is also extrememly directive in how she relates to people. I do not respond to either the noise or the directives very well. I'm going to try to keep an open mind and not get worked up about it before we go. I may go with Cory and his brother to see Spider Man 2. I can't be annoyed for very long with the woman who will keep the boys so that I can get out.

My college friends and I have a new blog. It is for W&L Alumni. Our school was actually a question on Jeopardy last night. Can you believe that guy who has won on that show for 27 days straight? Talk about a hero for the nerds of the world!

I need some new blogs to read...

It seems like several people blogging are trying to lose weight. They are documenting their progress on their blogs. It must be the theme for the day, since I've also been thinking about my health and lifestyle changes that need to be made. I don't go back to the doctor until the 27th, but I suppose I should enlist her advice in this process.

I accomplished a lot today:
1. Called doc to find out when I had my appt. (lost my card)
2. Called newspaper to re-subscribe. (they should give it to me for free since I contribute to their news at least once a month!)
3. Called mortgage company about possibly refinancing our loan.
4. Applied to be a peer reviewer for some federal grants.
5. Looked into other work from home opportunties, not sure if they are legit since some money is required up front. I heard about the company on NPR, and it seemed bona fide. Cory questions it, however. Oh well, I'll have to do some more checking around.
6. Oh yeah, took care of two babies (with a lot of help from my mom)

I realized today that unless the doctor allows me to let the boys try to sleep beyond every 3 hours, I will be completely worthless when I return to work. I had to take a 3 hour nap at 1 pm today. Thank goodness my mom was here to watch the boys.

We got all of my real (non-maternity) clothes out of the garage storage today. I don't really know what fits and what doesn't fit yet. I'm still wearing maternity shorts and shirts. I weigh what I weighed before I got pregnant, but my body is still misshapen. I did not have a flat stomach before pregnancy, and I have no illusions that I'll obtain one post-pregnancy. I would like to take this time as an opportunity to be more healthy.

I'm not really off to a great start on that goal since Cory bought drumstick ice cream novelties at the store yesterday. He also bought Cocoa Krispies Cereal bars. I asked him if he liked having candy for breakfast. He protested, "It's not candy! It's cereal!" I told him that he would have to get that all out of his system before the boys could eat regular cereal. I will NOT have their father be the bad example.

And I am awake again. I'll have to feed them again at 3:30 am, so why am I awake?

I've been reading some new-to-me blogs lately, and I am wondering how some of them get such a huge following. I've never been a popular person, I was quite a nerd in high school (in fact, I am still pretty nerdy). I am wondering how popularity works on the internet.

I think I should use this time of wakefulness to create that blog my friends and I discussed a few weeks ago, pre-bebes.

Don't ask me why I am still awake!

It's been pretty much a mundane day here in maternity-leave-land. I have throughly enjoyed it.

I won't bore everyone with the details. It's pretty much just babies, bottles, crying, pee, poop, clothes changes, and lack of sleep around here. Our day is considered exciting if someone is not quick on the draw with the diaper and gets hit with the pee-shooter. The odds are good that this will happen on average of once daily since we have TWO little boys.

My grandmother stopped by today. She truly offered to keep the boys when I have to return to work. Cory will likely have Mondays off consistently. My grandmother works in the "intimate apparel" section of a department store. She mainly works at her age (I think mid-70's?) to stay away from my granddaddy and for her hospitalization insurance. She says she could still work on the weekend and on Mondays and keep her insurance. If she keeps the boys, she will still be away from my granddaddy (he defines the words "codger" and "uncouth").

My mind is much more at ease now that I know we have better options for child care. I still REALLY REALLY REALLY want to stay at home, but this is second best. My mom is still looking into the FMLA for her to possibly keep them for a few months.

What a relief.

If anyone knows of some options for work at home, I will entertain (most) anything that pays at this point. I have many skills and can learn to do anything! Please help!

Aidan has been fussy all day long. I think that he will be the needy child. You can get him to sleep, lay him down, and a few minutes later, he will fuss again. Cole has been content to be asleep most of the day. We went to my mom's house this afternoon, and I think Aidan slept maybe and hour and 1/2 while we were there. As long as he sleeps tonight, I can deal with the fussy day.

My mom is apparently trying to get FMLA information from her employer so that she can possibly keep the boys for awhile before returning to work in the fall. She works for the local school system and would have to return to work the first of August. My grandmother told me the other day, "just say the word and I'll keep them." I have a hard time asking her to quit her job. Then she told me that she needed the hospitalization insurance she gets from her job. So I don't know if she could really keep them or not.

I would like for someone to keep them for awhile so that maybe I can establish a work-from-home opportunity when I do return to work. My job is a dead end job, which is sad because it doesn't have to be. If you've been reading my blog long enough, you know how crappy my boss is. If he had ANY imagination and entrepreneurial skill, he could make our agency something much better than it is. He's just too scared and too paranoid to do anything "different." Too afraid of change. Too afriad to take suggestions from the "underlings" and unwilling to give people power to grow a program.

This is what I have to look forward to when I return to work. I want to move on to a place where I can move up, grow, and possibly get a raise each year (I did not get a raise this year). I probably need to get out of the mental health field because the problems go above the boss, too.

Ok, enough about work. I guess I am thinking about it because my two co-workers are coming to visit me and bring me lunch tomorrow. Yummy!

As I continue to remain awake, I hit a level of weariness that makes it difficult to remove myself from the computer. It is utterly pointless to go to sleep now, when the boys will have to be fed again at 11:30 pm.

I think I'll go add more pics to their blog.

In an effort to please the masses without mass emails, I have created a blog just for pictures of the boys. You can find it on the sidebar to the left or at this link.

I escaped the house again today and went to La Target. I think that I am fully recovered until I try to do everyday things like walk around the store. I was worn out after walking around for about 45 minutes. I came home and slept for 2 hours.

My mom's younger sister lives in Richmond, VA. They came in town last night and she came by today. I think she was going to stay longer but her husband called and said that her middle child had been stung by a wasp. She is such a positive, helpful, and kind person that I love to be around her. She is also only 7 years older than I, and I've always looked up to her and see her as a role model. So I was sad to see her go. They are leaving early tomorrow morning. I'm not sure why they made such a long trip with 3 children under the age of 6 for just a few days.

My aunt also told me that after her oldest was born, her mom and mother in law were getting ready to leave to come back home. When my aunt burst into tears, her MIL called her husband to come home from work. He came home and went upstairs to play computer games. I don't feel so bad about Cory playing video games every night now. My aunt said she thinks men go through their own crazy freak out period too. She said her husband has come around, so surely there is hope for mine!

"Hey Aidan, what are we going to do to keep Mom and Dad awake tonight?" 

Everyone is doing a Monday Morning Walkabout. I did mine on Friday night. Here are some blogs I may add to my permanent reading list:

Life ... or Something Like It
I selected these blogs based on the title. I don't remember much about them because of my mom brain and lack of sleep. I just know that this woman has lost a sister very close to her.

Cheaper Than Therapy
Need I say more?

Brian Damage
Hilarious title.

Shoulda Said
I often feel like I "shoulda said" something more.

This Fish Needs a Bicycle
An apparently famous 20 something living in New York writes about wanting her own "bicycle."

Thanks to Cathy, I discovered that I am a Sober Rational Constructive Leader According to this personality test:

"You were born to lead. You may not be particularly exciting, but you have a strange charisma--born of intellect and personal drive--that people begin to notice when they have been around you a while. You don't like to compromise, but you recognize when you have to.

You care absolutely nothing what other people think, and this somehow attracts people to you. Treat them well, use them wisely, and ascend to your rightful rank."

Important information about testing newborns for rare life threatening diseases at birth.

I had to take my last pain pill last night to fall asleep. My mom came to take care of the boys last night. I told her what I told my mother in law, to wake me up if they needed help. She didn't wake me up until she had to leave.

I've been groggy all day, probably because of the medication, even though it is only supposed to last a few hours. I had to take it for some back pain. I wonder if having a spinal block is going to create more back problems for me. Sounds like an internet research question.

Cory seems to have made a strange reversal in his approach towards the boys. On the first night they were with us in the hospital, he was afraid he was going to break them. Now, he is rather rough with them. He doesn't cradle them to feed them. He holds a baby in his lap and holds his head up. I guess it's just stylistically different, and he won't take any suggestions now. On the first few nights, he would defer to me and ask me what to do. Now he says he knows what to do and wants me to quit "lecturing" him. How do I give suggestions now without "mothering" him or as he says "lecturing" him? Maybe it's something in my tone of voice. I dunno.

He was feeding Cole last night and Cole just kind of pooped out for a minute. I usually try different things to get him to eat. He likes to be held close to your body too. I just asked Cory to give me the baby because I was afraid to make a suggestion, since he doesn't take that well anymore. He gave me the baby and then walked off to bed without telling anyone good night like he usually does. My mom was here and I think he feels like we gang up on him. He doesn't feel involved. Well, here's the problem I have with that: He will sit there and play a video game or watch TV and his attention is on the TV mainly, not on the baby. It's like his needs are still primary over anyone else, including those of his boys. He says he wants to do these things, but I still don't see a whole lot of change in what I see as selfish behavior.

He complains about coming home from working all day and then having responsibilities around the house. He complains and then justifies playing a video game by saying, "I need a break. I need to do something for myself." Well, damnit, what about me? I still can't do much of anything. I can't drive. I can't walk very far. I can't lift anything. I barely get to leave the house. I guess taking care of two babies is easy compared to standing on your feet all day being a cook. At least he gets to see other adults and talk to people. What do I get to do for fun? I sleep.

I don't see how much of this is going to change even when I am fully recovered and/or return to work myself. The only thing that will change then is that we BOTH will have to come home and continue to work after being at work all day.

Apparently this has bothered me more than I initially realized.

I completely forgot to mention that I actually got out of the house today. My mom drove us to Babies R Us, and I bought a baby book for each of the boys. She stayed in the car with them since we don't want to expose them to more people and germs yet. We ate lunch at Chick Fil A, and then came home.

I would like to go for a walk every day, but I'm not sure what my activity level should be right now. My doula tells me that I should just rest and maybe walk a few houses down the street. I guess I should listen to her. However, she did tell me that I shouldn't be shopping. I don't consider what I did today "shopping." To me, shopping is walking for a couple of hours through the mall. And I don't really do that anyway. You have to have money to do that.

Gripe du jour

Cory has come home every night and played a silly PlayStation game for hours on end. I realize that they are just infants, but it would be nice to establish some family time. Or some time for he and I to connect while the boys are asleep. I wish I could kill the TV. I would just get the newspaper for the news. Or better yet, read it online. Or even better, listen to the radio.

The Positive Things

In an attempt to improve my mood, I will end this blog entry with positives.
My mother in law, for all of her annoyances and the differences we have, stayed last night with the boys. I told her to wake me up if she needed help and she assured me that she would. She didn't wake me up and I slept from about 10:30 pm to 4:30 am. Wow! Six whole hours of uninterrupted sleep! I felt like a new woman.

Twice today Aidan and Cole fell asleep while I was trying some simultaneous burping. It is a challenge, but I love holding them at the same time. I was miserable at the end of my pregnancy, but I miss having that closeness with them 24/7.

Even with all of the difficulties that women in our society face, I would not for a minute wish to be a man. Pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood are gifts from God that only women can ever fully understand. And I was lucky enough to get two at once.

It pains me to think of the many women who would like to have a child of their own and cannot for one reason or another.

I may decide to never PLAN on becoming pregnant again, but I never want to forget this incredible miracle.