Cory seems to have made a strange reversal in his approach towards the boys. On the first night they were with us in the hospital, he was afraid he was going to break them. Now, he is rather rough with them. He doesn't cradle them to feed them. He holds a baby in his lap and holds his head up. I guess it's just stylistically different, and he won't take any suggestions now. On the first few nights, he would defer to me and ask me what to do. Now he says he knows what to do and wants me to quit "lecturing" him. How do I give suggestions now without "mothering" him or as he says "lecturing" him? Maybe it's something in my tone of voice. I dunno.
He was feeding Cole last night and Cole just kind of pooped out for a minute. I usually try different things to get him to eat. He likes to be held close to your body too. I just asked Cory to give me the baby because I was afraid to make a suggestion, since he doesn't take that well anymore. He gave me the baby and then walked off to bed without telling anyone good night like he usually does. My mom was here and I think he feels like we gang up on him. He doesn't feel involved. Well, here's the problem I have with that: He will sit there and play a video game or watch TV and his attention is on the TV mainly, not on the baby. It's like his needs are still primary over anyone else, including those of his boys. He says he wants to do these things, but I still don't see a whole lot of change in what I see as selfish behavior.
He complains about coming home from working all day and then having responsibilities around the house. He complains and then justifies playing a video game by saying, "I need a break. I need to do something for myself." Well, damnit, what about me? I still can't do much of anything. I can't drive. I can't walk very far. I can't lift anything. I barely get to leave the house. I guess taking care of two babies is easy compared to standing on your feet all day being a cook. At least he gets to see other adults and talk to people. What do I get to do for fun? I sleep.
I don't see how much of this is going to change even when I am fully recovered and/or return to work myself. The only thing that will change then is that we BOTH will have to come home and continue to work after being at work all day.
Apparently this has bothered me more than I initially realized.
3 Comments:
Think back to child psych classes and remember that although men and women handle, talk to and feed babies differently, babies thrive on the sensory input. As long as Cory isn't dangling the boys over crocodiles they will do fine.
I have never understood the "I worked all day and now I need ME time" phenomenon. Maybe some male bloggers will give some insight.
I'm sorry honey. I have friend that are having the same issue with their newborns. My husband (because I had a c section) was pretty understanding.
Babies (some men feel) are a woman thing. I know I know that's sexist but deep down inside it's true. Also up until recently you breast fed so he didn't have to do everything. Now the real show has begun.
Do you have family or friends close by that can help? may be a strong male figure (like your dad or his dad) that can help guide him through this? Just curious. Whomever said men don't get PPD with their wives was insane I think. I think they go through an adjustment time.
Hang in there sweetie. I wish I was closer. I would love to help out for the day...week....month...or until you got absolutely sick of me!!!
Post a Comment
<< Home