To Sleep Per Chance To Dream... Redux
Sleep is an interesting function of the human body. I have had many encounters with sleep in my lifetime. I used to use sleep as a way to escape from life when I was in a deep depression. Others find sleep elusive when they are depressed or anxious. I had my first encounters with sleep deprivation when I was in college. Coffee and other caffinated beverages became a staple. I discovered a deeper level of sleep deprivation when my children were born.

My brother has recently made revelations to us that he struggles wtih insomnia. I never thought he would do it, but he is on an anti-depressant and a sleep medication. I think he is very brave and couragous to seek help for his problem with a medical solution and not a bottle of beer or pain pills. He has also taken it a step futher and sought counseling - this BEFORE he tried the meds. Kudos to you bro.

The boys had a nasty stomach virus that has been going around town. I got it after they got better. Since then, we have had almost nightly wakings reminiscent of when they were younger. The only problem now is that with toddlerhood, it is much more "fun" to stay awake. I am torn between going to them to comfort them and letting them "cry it out."

For example, i put them down about 20 minutes ago, Cole has been alternately yelling and "crying." (I think he is adding drama to the crying). I don't want to reinforce the behavior by going to them, but then how do I know if something is really wrong? I know he was OK when I put him down, clean diaper, etc. It's OK now to just have him cry, but last night it went on and on and on until after midnight. (I didn't let him cry THAT long, it was an off and on thing).

How do we regain that happy, restful sleep? I've not changed anything in the bedtime routine. Pretty soon, we'll be back to this.

Friday the 13th. Hope you don't have triskadecaphobia (fear of the number 13). that was always a Scholar's Bowl question when I was in high school.

I took the day off today so that I could go to traffic court. I had a wreck on Dec. 1 whilst driving to pickup the boys from day care. Two teenagers had pulled a rope across the road on Fairmont Blvd. The first car ran over the rope and stopped suddenly. the next car hit her while trying to stop. I hit last in the 3 car wreck. I and the middle car driver were cited for following too close. I didn't want this stupidity of teens to affect my driving record, so I decided to go to court. I told the judge the story and said that I didn't think the wreck would have happened if these kids had not pulled the rope across the road. Thank goodness the ofc. who worked the accident was there to back me up. I had to pay court costs (which is just as much as a ticket) but it was dismissed with 30 days probation. i had to sit there for 2 1/2 hours :P

Aidan can now say "itsy bitsy spider" and Cole LOVES to flirt with the teenage girls at my brother's basketball games. They are a laugh a minute :)

tomorrow is my birthday. guess how old i will be.

trying to do pilates. i could barely do some of the exercises. and today, my belly muscles ache!

I love babies. I love pictures. Here are three places you can see pictures of babies (and toddlers) ;)

1. Violet Flamingo - this site is pictures of my friends Amy and Carl, but it is mainly pictures of their new baby, Grace

2. Hamiltonium - ok, how weird is this? Another set of twins named Aidan and Cole.

and of course,

3. Aidan and Cole - new pics of my boys (they are old pics but new to you!)

The boys each got a hooded towel for Christmas from their great-grandmother. It's like those hooded towels for infants, but bigger and more fun. The hood is a frog face, and the boys LOVE to wear them and run around the house. I'll take a picture the next night we give them a bath and share it here.

Christmas 2005: I hope your's was a scream 

My aunt Sandra and her grand-dog Hershey 

Happy New Year! Ok so it's a few days late, but I'm always a little behind.

I'm going to try this blog thing again. Bear with me.

A few thoughts about the direction of my blog first:
1. I tend to be pretty negative
2. Negativity makes me even more grumpy
3. There is a lot of bad stuff in the world
4. My life it not that bad
5. I will be more positive as I blog; I have a lot to be thankful for.

Now here's the update from the past several months that I have not blogged. I'll go by person/subject.

Aidan
Aidan has been running his little legs off. He is currently obsessed with balls: throwing them, trying to catch them, holding them in his hand, wearing them on his shirt. His favorite word is "ball!" He also likes to say "up," "throw" (as in throw me on the couch), "no." We made a new year's resolution for both boys that the paci would be used no longer. He has had the hardest time with this, asking for "pass" at night.

Cole
Cole is a stinker. He knows exactly what he should and should not do and he does whatever he wants. He bats his eyes at you when he is doing what he shouldn't. He is very rotten. His favorite phrase is "bye 'body" (good bye everybody) and he loves to give kisses and blow kisses and give/get hugs. He likes trucks and anything that he can manipulate or sit and figure out. He still loves to read books. If you can't find Cole, make sure Mommy and Daddy's bedroom door isn't open because he likes to go hide in the corner.

CoryCory is still plugging along at real estate and at Children's Hospital. He has helped some buyers and he has sold our new sister-in-law's house. He needs listings to sell. He is very tenacious at his work, but he is easily discouraged. Cory just got a new position at Children's in the Education dept. working with video/computer stuff (I'm not sure of what all he'll be doing, but I don't think he knows yet either). I have recently seen a renewed spiritual committment in Cory that I am relieved to finally see.

My mom/dad/Cody
Cody has made the golf team and the JV Basketball team as a freshman in High school. He has survived his first sememster of high school. He sold his XBox to get money for an XBox 360. Without a gaming system for a few months, he acutally acted like a normal human instead of a recluse. Then right before Christmas he got the 360 and the universe went back to normal. Dad is the same. His family is stuggling (i'll get back to that in a minute). Mom is dealing with some health issues, which, in turn makes me question what I will face in the future.

Brother-in-law Shawn
married the girl I set him up with. I worked with Sara Beth at Mobile Crisis until she got her nursing degree and left for the hospital. Shawn is excited about being a father to Sara's 7 and 10 year old boys, Matt and Ben. (ARGH! more boys!)

Dad's family
My dad is the middle child in his "family of origin." He had a younger brother who was severely mentally ill. David struggled for years with mental illness and addiction. Now that I look back on it, he was probably diagnosed Schizoaffective (combo bipolar symptoms and schizophrenia symptoms). 3 years ago at Thanksgiving, David was found in his apt. dead of an apparent overdose.
Fast forward to a few months ago. My dad's older sister, my aunt Sandra, had struggled for years with gastrointestinal problems. It started with ulcers, she ate Goody powders like candy, and eventually had to have a gastric bypass surgery, but not for weight loss. Her insides were so eaten up, she had to just have it all removed. My aunt never took care of herself. Always ate whatever she wanted. Never got her B12 shots. Etc.
She kept losing weight, getting smaller and smaller. Had blockages removed. Would get to the brink of death and have to go to the hospital. 2 hospitalizations ago, Sandra had exploritory surgery but had so much scar tissue, the doc couldn't do anything. She had a feeding tube put in.
My cousin, Farah, is a nurse. Farah tried to care for her mother. Then a few months after the feeding tube was placed, Farah took her mother to the ER because she was so sick. She was blocked again. Between these two hospitalizations, it was revealed to us that Sandra had been addicted to pain medications for years. They detoxed her from the pain meds in the hospital. The doctor gave her a choice, live with out the meds and thrive, or go back to them and eventually die (he gave her 6 mos.) but die pain free.
My aunt Sandra chose the pain meds. She decompensated quickly and about 2-3 weeks later, she was in hospice. It was a terrible, terrifying, horrifying way to watch someone die. She had no nourishment because she was blocked again, even with the tube. She wasted away with morphine, haldol and ativan to keep her calm. She was 58 years old.
My grandfather is very sick and probably will die soon too. My grandmother is not mentally well, and she will have to be cared for when he dies.
I can't imagine what my dad is going through. he's the only one of his sibs left.

Alice
I will start a new position with Peninsula on Monday the 9th. I will try my hand at being a therapist in our Knox Co. clinic. It's on the same campus as Mobile Crisis but in a different building. I was floundering for several months on what direction my life/career was going. I applied for several different jobs and got 4 interviews. I got turned down with MTSU and Children's Hospital. I wasn't interested in Helen Ross McNabb when I learned what the job was. My new job won't pay me any more, but I don't have to drive, I get my own office, I get to work on supervision hours towards my licesnsure. This is what I struggled with: I never set out to be a "clinical" social worker. I always looked at clinicians with some level of disdain because it seemed that they were doing it for the money or it was an easier way for psych majors to get to a point where they did therapy (quicker to get an MSW than to get a PhD in psych). I view myself as an advocate, an educator, a liason, and a mental health "expert." Did i want to be a therapist? I'm still not sure. What I AM sure of is that Mobile crisis is not a challenge to me anymore. I have learned what I'm going to learn from it, and it is time to move on. I will certainly update here my thoughts about the job as time goes on.

Now for some fun! i'm going to post some pics. see ya!