Sometimes I feel like I can't get ahead and I keep slipping farther and farther away from some goals that I have for my life. I so desperately want to be free of the crushing burden of being in debt.

I go to a friends house tonight and they have such a lovely, immaculate home. They clean up messes as they make them and there aren't things like dirt caked in the corner of their bathroom because the previous owners did such a crappy job putting the floor down. I also feel like we have too much stuff for the size of house we live in. i would love to simplify things down to the bare minimum, but I feel constrained because of my spouse.

One of the things I would like to pare down is the kitchen. We have so much kitchen stuff that we don't use because Cory fancies himself a chef. He is a wonderful, creative cook, but these days, we don't have time for all of the gadgets, woks, fondue pots, etc. (that he rarely used before now anyway). I hate the way our living room looks with our huge entertainment center right in the middle, ugly white shelves on the sides and huge sound system that is rarely used. It's just all so BIG and overwhelming to me. These are things I would like to have out of sight. But our house is too small. I can't stand the way the yard looks with half of a flower bed with mulch because we didn't have enough money to buy more mulch.

I'm just so tired of living my life in such a half-ass way because i'm too tired, too poor, and have too much maintaining to do to get shit done. wah. poor me.