I'll get back to the boys' birth story later. Again, I should be asleep but I can't. My mind keeps racing. Besides, I have to take Aidan to the doc today at 8 am; he has nasty yellow goop in his eyes.

The thoughts I keep having are pretty far our philosophical for my poor mind to handle alone. I used to enjoy my political philosophy classes, but for me, I have to practice thinking like that for it to make any sense. And usually I come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter if it makes sense; you just have to muddle through it.

I've suddenly been hit with the reality of the life cycle, having now created life, times two! I do not fear death, but thinking about it saddens me. I was torn up today when my mom left the house. She kept asking me if she needed to come back later. I told her no. When she is there, someone takes care of me. When I am with Cory, Aidan, and Cole, I am the caretaker of everybody. Cory would not admit this to be true, but it is. Why else would I miss my mom so much?

What will I ever do when she is gone for good? These are the thoughts I have. How do you move on with life when something about the end of it seems sort of futile? Maybe I am in a fatalistic mood since it is so early in the morning. I guess this is a huge reason why people have religions that teach about an afterlife.

Cory would tell me that I worry too much, and I know that I do. But for some reason, my mind has to go to these places for me to get much out of life. Call it worry, call it what you want; it's just how I am wired.

I need to watch "The Lion King" again. So many things like movies, books, and just life itself take on new meanings when you have your own children. I never realized just how big this was.

How do you deal with your own mortality?