I got to see my friend and former co worker today. Her name is Vicky. She just had a baby boy about 7 weeks ago and his name is Jackson. She looked good, a little tired, but she looks like she never was pregnant.

I mentioned this to Cathy the other day, but I just keep having thoughts and fears about how my body is going to be destroyed or mutilated when I have these babies. I've never had major surgery (I had tubes put in my ears when they still did it as inpatient and I've had wisdom teeth removed) and I've never had stitches (well, in my mouth after the wisdom teeth).

I see myself in about 3 different scenarios during childbirth:
1. I'll be able to have both babies vaginally, but will have to have an episiotomy. Along with hemerroids and some other fun stuff.
2. I'll have the first one vaginally and then the second one will not be in a position to be born vaginally and I'll have to have a c-section. So, I'll have the same issues mentioned above with the vaginal birth AND I'll have to recover from the cesarian.
3. Neither baby will be in a position to be born vaginally or there will be some other complications with labor and I'll have to have both by c-section. I'll have to take care of 2 babies while trying to recover from major abdominal surgery. PLUS the fact that they will probably have some breathing problems since their little lungs don't get the fluid squeezed out like they would if they were born vaginally.

Not that I think chlidbirth is fun or is a breeze, I just am unable to fathom this bodily harm and THEN having TWO babies to care for. How am I going to do this? I feel like crying now.

I keep thinking, "well, women do this all the time, every day, and have done it since the beginning of time." I think my anxiety is kicking in again. We have an all day childbirth preparation class tomorrow, and I hope that I will possibly feel better about some of this after that class.