We went to the pediatrician again today. Cole weighs 6 lbs., 2 oz. Aidan weighs 5 lbs., 10 oz. The doctor we saw today said his baby was born at 34 weeks and spent over 50 days in the NICU and still has to be fed with a tube. As we were leaving, a set of girl twins was being weighed by the nurse. They were both on monitors. We are so lucky and blessed to have healthy babies that could come home with us the day I was discharged from the hospital. So lucky.
They both have a lovely yeast infection rash and Cole has a slightly infected toenail on his big toe.
My mom came over last night and took care of them through the night so that I could sleep. I still could sleep for about 24 hours straight.
Cory wanted to go out to eat for his birthday. We went to a place where you get a free meal on your birthday. It was nice, but I think I was trying to do too much too soon. We went to have ice cream afterwards, and my head soon felt like it would explode. It only now feels better.
We will be having visitors later tonight. Cory's dad is coming over for his birthday. I hope they do not stay long.
Cory will be helping with the night shift tonight. We will see how that goes. It hasn't been very successful previously, but now that I am not breastfeeding, maybe it will be easier.
I still feel guilty on some level for my decision. I feel like I am cheating them. And I realize that I could probably feel better about this if my hormones weren't so wacked out too. They aren't kidding about the baby blues. At this point, I wonder if I don't have full blown PPD.
2 Comments:
Hang in there Alice. The hormones will settle down and you will start to feel like yourself again, but just take it easy and don't rush things. Do something for yourself now and then, like paint your toenails, use a mud face mask, give cuddles to the boys, watch them sleep and think about the good things. They are healthy and that is an immense blessing in itself.
Nowdays, formula milk is just as good as breast milk. You already gave them a head start with the short amount of time you did manage to feed them.
Keep up the good work and just love the little tykes.
Please please do not feel guilty about not nursing. I am so sorry that you feel that way. You have a ton on your plate.
I know there are groups out there that may tell you to cheek it up and to do what they think is best for your children. Now the truth of the matter is that you have to do the best you can for your children by taking care of yourself. You're a new mom of twins. If I was there I would definately take a shift. Oh to hold a little one! You would be saying OH TO HAVE A NIGHT OF SLEEP!!
I think they should give a disclaimer before having children that says, "Welcome to parenting!! The never ending guilt trip!!!" In all seriousness though you should be kinder to yourself. You are doing a great job.
Just know that you may be in full PPD. Please please please feel free to e mail me. I know you don't know me from Adam but rest assured sometimes that's easier!
Take good care of yourself.
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