Your Brain is 60.00% Female, 40.00% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Dear Bloggers

Don't ever be so snooty that you do not shop at thrift stores. I love them. I have probably more clothes I wear now that are from thrift stores or are second hand from someone else. I found some brand name pants and a shirt last night. The outfit totaled $5. I love thrift stores and so should you.

I was sitting in my recliner reading some magazines so that I can get rid of them. Across the room, the boys were in front of the door, which is glass, so they can see outside. Cole coughed like he was choking, so I get up to look. What did I find? Well, they had found a contaner of snacks that they had opened and poured on the floor and were eating. God, I wish I had taken a picture of it. They were so proud of themselves!

Now Cole is teething. We had a rough night last night - we've not had one that bad in awhile. What is most difficult is trying to put down a sleeping baby in his bed while holding the other one because if you put the other one down and let him cry, then the one asleep wakes up. This happened about 3 times until it was about 5:30 am and I said, Ok, we are staying awake. We finally get them to sleep at about 6:30 and I say, I'm going to bed. Cory says, I guess I'll have to wear wrinkled clothes to work. I didn't say anything - just went in the bedroom, closed the door and went to sleep. He has gotten too used to me ironing his clothes. I wanted to say, Oh well.

Aidan has had a fever for 2 nights in a row. I am waiting to see if it has finally broken. It never got above 102 so the nurse I talked to last night said it was still considered low-grade. I think it's because he is teething. One tooth came thru yesterday and there may be another. However, everything I read about fevers and teething says the connection is not valid. I don't see how it is because every time either of my boys have had a fever, a tooth has come through the next day and the fever breaks. i think the books and magazines just want people to be more cautious and not think every time there is a fever it is teeth.

I will be cleaning house today. fun.

Today has been one of those days you'd like to forget. The weather is crummy; cold, wet, windy. Aidan has had a fever since last night which makes him feel terrible. He proclaims how he feels by crying and wanting to be held. Then I have another infant who is going through separation anxiety and cries when I leave the room. I have a husband who is stressed to the limit about the money being poured out to start his own business (on top of the money we already owe) so that we can hopefully pay off the debt we are already in. It feels like a vicious cycle of pain, tension that blows up into anger at the people you love. I bit his head off and that makes him feel more worthless.

I must develop an intervention for myself so that I can stop myself from lashing out at the people I love and THE person who helps me out the most. If Cory didn't do all that he did, I probably would have already been a client of the very program where I am employed.

I can tell the stress is getting to us. We both are physically feeling pain, tension. We are being crushed under the weight of our debt.

God will provide. I have to remember that. My mother in law bought us a battery for the van. Apparently it died again at her church yesterday so she took Cory to get a new one.

Doug has a quite inspiring post on his blog today. He even quotes one of my favorite books, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. I was first attracted to the book because of the name. I wrote my high school senior research paper on Lewis Carroll and his Alice books. I discovered in those books what Doug discusses in his post: Alice is on a search for purpose. A lot of the literary criticism centers around Carroll's drug use (that he was tripping when he wrote the book) but I chose to look at the themes of youth and searching for purpose (existential themes). It was a time in my life when there was about to be a lot of change. I was about to graduate from high school and move away from home for the first time. Not just move out to go to school, but I would move 5 hours away to the wilds of the Virginia Shenandoah Valley. As I take the time to look back, I am so thankful for the opportunity to go to Washington and Lee. Yes, the education was important, but what has been most important to me is that I made friends for life at W&L.

In February we bought a used Chevrolet Venture van. We had a 4 door car, however we learned that car seats do not often fit in an average sized car, especially if you are any taller than 5 foot 5 inches. Cory complained every time he had to drive the car. Hence the van.

The van is used and had a little over 51,000 miles on it being a 2002 model. We got a good deal on it while Cory's brother was still working at the car lot. Now, we have to buy new tires and probably a new battery. We are looking at $300+ for all of this (Shawn has a friend who will get us a deal on the tires). We had to jump the van this morning so that Cory could take the boys to his mom's church for the afternoon.

I drive so much for my job that the milage reimbursement is starting to not cover gas/maintenance/wear and tear on our vehicles. With gas prices so high, a reimbursement rate of 35 cents per mile just doesn't cut it anymore.

Our current clinical supervisor at Mobile Crisis is leaving and a new one has been hired from within the current team. We will have to address this issue with him soon. I don't see a change in the current trend for gasoline prices, and that is my gripe for the day.

nap wins again

Now the burning question is: To nap or not?

I thought I just wanted to pass out only 30 minutes ago. The boys did not want to sleep last night. It didn't help that we went to a late softball game of Cory's and they fell asleep on the way home from Alcoa. They had their second wind while Cory and I were absolutely exhausted.

They are awake for the day now, and I still want to sleep. I looked around at our wreck of a house (since I was exhausted yesterday from mowing the day before and taking Aidan to PT, nothing got done), and I decided to get up and get moving. Now the dishwasher is humming, the clothes washer is running, and the piles of clothes and shoes are put away in my room. I've got one more load of dishes for the dishwasher and more piles of clothes to fold and put away. You could probably care less about the mundane list of chores I have to do, but it helps me to put it down in writing so that I can see that I need to get it done.

The boys have started eating table food regularly now. I still can't figure out the bottle/milk thing. Last week, they would drink down an 8 oz bottle first thing in the morning. The past few days, all they will drink is 4-5 oz and barely eat any solid food. I guess they are teething or just not very hungry. Oh well.

I have to go back to work today. It is supposed to storm bad today so I hope I don't have to go out on many calls.

Plans VS Reality

actually what we did today was a little different. We skipped Fort Kid/World's Fair Park because the people we were meeting were running late. I have to mow today when Cory gets home and his mom comes over around 4 to watch the boys. Cory will be weed-eating, since I can never get that stupid machine to start, and he will also make dinner. I actually like to mow because it's good excercise and therapeutic for me to think/pray while all I hear is the hum of the mower. And I'll get a tan.

Better go, I think I hear the boys getting into things they don't need.

Our plans for the day:

10:30 visit from family support worker
11:30 lunch with Cory at work
sometime go to Kohl's
2:00 Fort Kid with friends from Mother Goose
4ish Mow the yard

do you think we will be worn out?

My new favorite band: Keane.

Everybody's Changing

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can
You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

You're gone from here
And soon you will disappear
Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

Cory told me this morning that last week his brother took him to Sonic. While he was there, a man came around to all of the cars saying "China is taking over. Soon you will be speaking Chinese."

Sounds like one of our Mobile Crisis clients.

I am looking forward to having my 3 days off after today. In my previous jobs, I used to look at the clock continually to see when I would be going home. I do that rarely now in my current job. Most of the time, 10 hours goes by pretty quickly. I say that, and now today will probably just drag on.

So I get this email today saying I've won an award for my blog. Cool. It's nice to know that people are actually out there reading what you have to say. I suppose the attraction of the blog is often for people who aren't 'heard' to get their voice out there. I imagine all of these voices talking at once.

So thanks to Lynnette and Jim for the award of Best Blog in Tennessee!

How can a mom of twins be bored? Well, it's like i was just telling a friend, I have things to do, my mind is just bored. Housework makes my mind go numb. I was so productive yesterday, I even cleaned out the refrigerator (it was nasty). I have other "projects" I could do, but I don't think I can accomplish them without being interrupted. I want to do something and get it done today.

Part of the problem is cabin fever from this rain. If it weren't yucky outside, I would go for a walk. maybe we can go to the mall when Cory gets home.


my mind goes HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM......

Pretty boring over here in twin-land. Eat, play, sleep, pee, poop.

Cory is hot on the business of being a real estate agent. He is writing letters to people to let them know who he is and what he is doing. I really hope this venture is successful for him. Not just because it will generate good income for us and help us pay off debt, but also because he has put so much time and energy into this. He gets so down on himself when he makes even a small mistake. So those of you reading this who live in East Tennessee, if you need a realtor, please let me know!

We have cabin fever. Although the 2 previous days have been nice, I've been forced to stay inside because of the boys runny noses and coughing. We are going to get out today and go visit my mom at her work.

I have these constant battles with my husband about the fact that he thinks I don't do enough around the house. He feels like I should be able to simultaneously care for the boys and go through things in the garage. He says that he has found a way to do both things at once. I choose to play with the boys and hold them a lot. I still get things done. If I have to start making a list, I guess I will. I vaccuumed the house. I swept and mopped the kitchen floor. I did the dishes in the sink. I fed the boys breakfast, bottles, lunch, bottles and put them down for two naps. I took them out to the garage for about 45-60 minutes and went thru some things for the yard sale. (Incidentally, I could not reach many of the items since they were on the top shelf). I cleaned the dining room table from the dinner the night before. I cleaned off both high chairs and washed the chair pads.

I just don't know what else he expects from me. He started in on me again last night. If this doesn't get any better, we will have to go for marriage counseling. I don't know how much more I can take.

I do have an energy problem. I need to exercise. How can I when I have sick children that have to stay inside? It's like a Catch 22 that I can't escape. It also contributes to an increased depressed mood.

I took a nap this morning when the boys went down, and I was more exhausted when I woke up than when i went to sleep. I just don't get it sometimes. I don't like being dependent upon drinking coffee, but sometimes I need it. Like, right now!

New pictures from Easter are up.

What am I doing today?
1. Making lots of coffee
2. cleaning the floors (we must vaccuum at least every other day)
3. go thru stuff for yard sale this weekend
4. sleep?
5. take care of/play with two infants

I wish I just had one full time job.

Sleep Update
The boys slept very well last night! I tried to spend as much time with them during the day so that they weren't starved for attention at night. I don't know if this is really what helped them sleep, but I have my suspicions. Also, I gave them the nose medicine and some advil for Cole right before bedtime. Some friends of ours came over for dinner and they fed the boys a bottle. Warm milk, full tummy, clean noses = sleep :)

I tried to blog last night but blogger was broken. I will not complain because it is a free service.

I think I will be posting a "quote of the week" from the people I see through my job as a mental health crisis clinician. My favorite one this week was from the person who cut themselves, who said, "I have no coping skills." Well, no shit, is what I wanted to say to this person.

The boys did not sleep well last night. Their congestion/cough is much worse at night and it wakes them up. I think these are the worst teething episodes we are having. My mom said that we should just let Cole cry some to get to sleep. I really don't know if I can do that. I was reading some stuff of Dr. Sears, and he of course is the attachment parenting dude. I really think Cole just does not feel well. I am not going to try to get him to self soothe when he does not feel well in the first place.

I've not decided what we will do today. There is a parenting class and then our Mother Goose group today, but I think I need a break from that. However, if I go to Goose, I get a $5 gift certificate for gas. (Woohoo, 2 gallons of gas!) I don't know. It's so nice outside already, I'd like to do some yard work. We'll see...

Sleep Issues

I need to do some research on sleep for infants. We are having sleep issues and have had them for the past few weeks. I have attributed it to sickness and the onset of separation anxiety. I really am not sure what is going on.

We start the bedtime routine with a bath almost every night. They love their bath and they love to play in the water. I think it helps wear them down by playing so hard. Then they are dressed and allowed to play for a few more minutes. They get a bottle and we have been rocking them to sleep since they were born. In the first few months, we had to swaddle them to get them to sleep. Swaddling worked well. They also take a pacifier when it is bed time. Rock and then once asleep, we put them in separate cribs.

4 nights a week, I work until 10 or 11 pm (sometimes later). If Cory is having an especially difficult night putting them to sleep, they will sometimes be awake when I get home. Recently, Cole has been the one Cory has had difficultly lying down in his bed. I have had this problem too.

Anyway, I want to help them learn how to soothe themselves to sleep. However, the methods I am aware of mean that the baby usually cries itself to sleep. Cole especially will get worked up very quickly. The boys share a bedroom so it would be difficult to let them cry even a little to try the self-soothing.

I probably just need to try to get my work schedule adjusted so that I can be at home in the evenings for bedtime. But some of this still occurs, even when I am at home.

Any advice/suggestions will be considered.

Family Sickness

The boys are both coughing more and still have runny, snotty noses. I really don't want to have to take them back to the doctor, but I know it makes them miserable. I wonder if they have allergies

Early Morning Accomplishments

1. Emptied the dishwasher
2. Cleaned the kitchen counter
3. Started yet another load of laundry
4. Fed the boys their breakfast
5. Realized we don't have enough formula to get us through the day

3am

why oh why did Cole Michael Brown wake up at 3 am? Who knows. Apparently he thought it was time to play. I fed him a bottle and he passed out a few minutes later. I laid him in his crib and POP! he's up again. Thank you God for my husband who then took over and fell asleep with him in the rocker/recliner.

Back to work

Repeat to self: The next 4 days will be positive. You are working to help provide for your family. You are helping people with mental disorders who are in crisis.