Isn't it Ironic?

I was looking at the astrology page of the newspaper the other day. I noticed that my boys sign is Gemini. How appropriate is that!

My picture was on the front page of our local newspaper yesterday. The irony or hilarity of the picture is that it was taken on Saturday, June 5 -- just 9 days before the boys were born. They printed it yesterday -- exactly two weeks AFTER they were born.

Knoxville News-Sentinel Front Page, Monday, June 28, 2004 

We went to the pediatrician again today. Cole weighs 6 lbs., 2 oz. Aidan weighs 5 lbs., 10 oz. The doctor we saw today said his baby was born at 34 weeks and spent over 50 days in the NICU and still has to be fed with a tube. As we were leaving, a set of girl twins was being weighed by the nurse. They were both on monitors. We are so lucky and blessed to have healthy babies that could come home with us the day I was discharged from the hospital. So lucky.

They both have a lovely yeast infection rash and Cole has a slightly infected toenail on his big toe.

My mom came over last night and took care of them through the night so that I could sleep. I still could sleep for about 24 hours straight.

Cory wanted to go out to eat for his birthday. We went to a place where you get a free meal on your birthday. It was nice, but I think I was trying to do too much too soon. We went to have ice cream afterwards, and my head soon felt like it would explode. It only now feels better.

We will be having visitors later tonight. Cory's dad is coming over for his birthday. I hope they do not stay long.

Cory will be helping with the night shift tonight. We will see how that goes. It hasn't been very successful previously, but now that I am not breastfeeding, maybe it will be easier.

I still feel guilty on some level for my decision. I feel like I am cheating them. And I realize that I could probably feel better about this if my hormones weren't so wacked out too. They aren't kidding about the baby blues. At this point, I wonder if I don't have full blown PPD.

I Changed My Mind

I just can't do it. Maybe some people can live with out sleep, but I am not one of them. I made up my mind that I will not be breastfeeding anymore. I probably could have done it with just one, but the sleep deprivation with two is mind boggling. I can't get them to stay latched on long enough for me to try to feed both at once. And honestly, I would like some of my life back. I would like to sleep with my husband. I would like to sit down and watch a movie or have time to blog.

And I know my depression will only get worse if something doesn't change soon. The only thing I know to change is the feeding method.

All of my books say to try for at least a month. Well, those people don't have two babies that seem like they are starving ALL THE TIME.

I'm trying to work all of this out so that I'll be more comfortable with my decision. I've always been an overacheiver; working harder and smarter than many others. I told myself over and over that I could do this, I could feed two babies at once. Others have done it. Surely I can do it, too. I have support. What I didn't count on was my continually deteriorating mental state. I can handle getting up at night and changing diapers and crying, etc. What I can't handle is the continual stress of getting two babies to LEARN how to breastfeed. Then they started getting confused since we were supplementing with bottles. Bottles are easy.

Right now, I am agreeing with the babies. Bottles are easy, and I need something to be easy.

It does make me sad to think that I've given up my goal. NONE of what has happened with pregnancy, childbirth, and now feeding has gone as I had envisioned from the beginning. I think that God is trying to teach me patience and flexiblity.

I could be very resentful of these babies. Part of my reason for doing this has to do with how I feel about them. I started feeling pure frustration with them all the time. I don't want to feel that way. I know they can sense my feelings, and I don't want them to start out with my stress and anxiety in this world.

So I've changed my mind.

Old Man Cole 

Proud Daddy 

My Brother Eli and his fiance Heather holding the boys. Cody has to be in the picture, too. 

My brother Cody holding Cole 

Brothers and Best Friends 

Friends Erin and Holly holding the boys 

The Story of Aidan and Cole -- Part 3

Monday, June 14, 2004 Pre-Op, and Surgery

Once we had the go-ahead from Dr. Dinh, the pre-op plans began. Everyone in the room started calling all family members to let them know of the impending arrival. The anesthesiologist came by to tell me about my options and his recommendations. He said that he has twin girls. He claimed that the first 10 weeks were "Hell," but that after that, having two was better because they are really fun and entertain themselves. He was a very nice (and very good looking) man.

The nurse assisting with my surgery was the first nurse I had when I entered the triage room on Friday. I was glad to have her because she was great. Not dumb 'ole Becky. I had to have 3 bags of IV fluid in me before I could go to the operating room. I had to pee about 3 times in an hour because of all of the fluid. Kim had to put in the IV line and she had a hard time with the veins on my right hand. She blew my vein, actually. Not a nice feeling. She got one of the "experts" to come in and do it after that. This woman was no nonsense and there to do her job. She found it immediately.

Because the anesthesia can make you nauseous, they gave me some anti-nausea stuff I had to drink. Kim said, "I recommend you chug this because it is nasty." She was right. It tasted like stomach acid.

Then she had to shave me. These days a c-section incision is below the bikini line. Get the drift?

All of this was very strange and surreal to me. Not to mention that having a c-section was the very last way I wanted to deliver these babies. I realize now that everything, even this, has a purpose that even I may not understand.

They wheeled me down to the OR in my own bed. Waiting for me at the end of the hall was every family member that could be there. It was kinda funny -- I felt like I was running a marathon or something.

Cory and Coleen could come in the OR with me but not until I had my spinal block. Now. I've watched this procedure over and over on the Discovery Health Channel shows. Honestly, people are right when they say it is not that bad. But as with the amnio test, the thought of someone poking a needle where needles shouldn't go can be scary. It did hurt because for some reason the spot he hit made a shooting pain go down my left side. He did some adjustment and it was much better.

It was damn cold in that operating room! They finally laid me down on the table and that's when I felt the numbness come over me. It was very quick actually. Then I started to shake uncontrollably. They let Cory and Coleen come in at that point. Cory told me later that he thought I was shaking because I was scared. Coleen told him it was the medication. I was very glad to have her there because I think it really helped him, too.

Dr. Dinh came in and had them rotate the table towards her. Then apparently the procedure began. Of course, I felt nothing. I saw nothing because they put a sheet in front of you to block your view and to create a sterile field.

When the babies came out, I felt instant relief. I could breathe again! I was told later that my blood pressure went down the instant the placenta was delivered. They had the boys in the warmers to my left. Cory and Coleen went over to check on them and take some pictures. All of this is really a blur to me because I was still shaking from the medication. My mind wasn't straight because of it.

Dr. Dinh popped her head over the sheet and asked me if I had ever had an infection in my bowel. Not that I know of. She said my bowel had adhered itself to my uterus. She was going to try to remove the adhesions. She got most of it but couldn't get to some of it. I really don't know why or how that happened. In the end, I think it was good that I had the surgery because who knows how much worse that condition could have become.

They stapled me together and moved me back to my bed. They handed me my two beautiful boys and wheeled me out of the OR. The only thing I remember as we rolled down the hall was my mom saying, "Oh she's holding both of them!" I think we were all shocked that they were doing so well and did not immediately have to go to the NICU.

Aidan was born at 9:25 pm, weighing 5 lbs., 4 oz. Cole was born at 9:27 pm, weighing 5 lbs., 15 oz.

I don't see how people with higher order multiples remain sane. We are doing a load of laundry per baby every day. Can you imagine having to do just the laundry with those septuplets?

Aidan has conjunctivitis. His little eyes look pitiful. We did get some drops and hopefully that will take care of it. However, his weight is back to his birth weight of 5 lbs., 4 oz. We go back to the doctor monday for another well checkup. Which reminds me, I need to call the insurance company...

I need to go weigh myself. As of yesterday, I've lost 25 lbs. since they were born. My belly looks kind of like some of the people who have had that gastric bypass surgery. I have folds of skin hanging from my belly. I've never cared about showing my middriff, but I would like to use this as an opportunity to be more healthy. I was overweight before I became pregnant. I want to do better, for the boys' sake, but not be obsessive about it. I think that's all my mother in law talks about is being overweight. It is really scary since she's already convinced her other grandson that he is fat. (he is 5 years old and about 80 lbs. -- a little chunk) But I wouldn't say those things to a young child. Oh the in laws...

Aidan and Cole at 3 days old 

I'll get back to the boys' birth story later. Again, I should be asleep but I can't. My mind keeps racing. Besides, I have to take Aidan to the doc today at 8 am; he has nasty yellow goop in his eyes.

The thoughts I keep having are pretty far our philosophical for my poor mind to handle alone. I used to enjoy my political philosophy classes, but for me, I have to practice thinking like that for it to make any sense. And usually I come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter if it makes sense; you just have to muddle through it.

I've suddenly been hit with the reality of the life cycle, having now created life, times two! I do not fear death, but thinking about it saddens me. I was torn up today when my mom left the house. She kept asking me if she needed to come back later. I told her no. When she is there, someone takes care of me. When I am with Cory, Aidan, and Cole, I am the caretaker of everybody. Cory would not admit this to be true, but it is. Why else would I miss my mom so much?

What will I ever do when she is gone for good? These are the thoughts I have. How do you move on with life when something about the end of it seems sort of futile? Maybe I am in a fatalistic mood since it is so early in the morning. I guess this is a huge reason why people have religions that teach about an afterlife.

Cory would tell me that I worry too much, and I know that I do. But for some reason, my mind has to go to these places for me to get much out of life. Call it worry, call it what you want; it's just how I am wired.

I need to watch "The Lion King" again. So many things like movies, books, and just life itself take on new meanings when you have your own children. I never realized just how big this was.

How do you deal with your own mortality?

The Story of Aidan and Cole

The Last Days in the Womb -- Part 2

Sunday, June 13, 2004

I have difficulty remembering what happened on this day. Probably much of the same from the previous days. It all ran together for me. I know that Cory brought some movies from home and we watched them. One we watched was Bill Cosby's stand up "Bill Cosby Himself." Cosby says a lot about parenting and childbirth in his stand up comedy. If you have not seen this video and you are a parent, I suggest you see it. I can't wait for the "brain dead people" days of raising children.

One eventful thing did happen on Sunday. My doctor came by that afternoon and gave me the rundown on what she was expecting. She did say that we are waiting for something really bad to happen to me. My group of doctors consults with a high-risk specialist at the University of Tennessee Hospital. That doc recommended to mine that she send me over there for an amnio. This test would determine if the babies' lungs were developed enough for delivery. If they were, then we could look at scheduling a C-section when they received the results. She said maybe Tuesday or Thursday we would be able to have the surgery.

I was relieved to hear that something would be done. I was clearly not going to get any better until the babies were born. I was not having labor contractions, and they were just hanging out in my uterus, hearts beating away.

Monday, June 14, 2004: 7 am to 5 pm

A nurse came in that morning and had me sign a pass to go to the other hospital. I felt like a prisoner. They weren't sure if I would be able to go with a family member driving me or in an ambulance. They decided to let my mom drive me. Coleen came with us.

The ride was short and it was nice to get out and see the world again. I walked to the doctor's office myself, filled out the paperwork, and sat there and waited.

I started to get hot and lightheaded. They had some small couches in the waiting room so mom and Coleen moved me to the couch. Coleen fanned me with the newspaper and mom put cold, wet paper towels on my forehead. Mom asked the receptionist how much longer it would be before I was seen. Soon after that, they took me to the ultrasound room.

I was dreading this test. I did not like to think about having a long needle inserted in my belly. I did not like to think about the needle possibly poking my baby.

They did the ultrasound and measured them. From their measurements, the babies were both at least 6 pounds. The doctor came in and kept trying to look for a pocket of fluid. He said that there was not a lot of amniotic fluid in me. I don't see how there was room for anything in there! Before he even did the test he said that if it were up to him, I would deliver today. He said this just by looking at me.

They did the test and I kept my eyes closed. It didn't hurt much, but it is certainly not something I would choose to do again. They then sent me to do another non-stress test and hooked me up to the monitors. This office had nice cushy recliners to sit in for the test. Of course my BP was high. The doctor came in and chatted with the nurses. One of them asked him if the fluid drawn "looked" mature. He said no not really but he would be happy with a 40. I don't know what that meant, but he told me that he would recommend delivery even if they were borderline mature. He is a great doctor.

I made it back to the hospital. My doctor came in about 3:30 pm and said that she would let me know about the results. She came back about 4:45 pm and gave me the thumbs up sign. At this time, mom, Coleen and my mother in law were in the room. My doctor said, "Ok how about we schedule to have these babies tonight?" I said, "Tonight?!" Apparently, they had a full schedule the next day and she didn't want to wait. She had one section and two deliveries ahead of me, and then it would be my turn.

Let the pre-op whirlwind begin. We were going to have babies that night!

The Story of Aidan and Cole -- Part 1

The Last Days of Aidan and Cole in the Womb

Friday, June 11, 2004

I went to the doctor today for them to check on my blood pressure and to get the results from my urine science experiment. Dr. Dinh did not like what she saw when I had my BP checked. She came back into the room and told me that she was sending me to Labor and Delivery. She didn't know if I would be admitted or not.

The nurse wheeled me to the other part of the hospital. At this particular hosptial, labor, delivery, and recovery all occur at the "Women's Pavilion." I went to the triage room and they hooked me up to many monitors. I had my BP taken every 10 minutes. They put a heartbeat monitor on both of the babies. They also put a contraction monitor on my belly. I was covered in wires and ultrasound goo.

Aidan was positioned low in my pelvis and he DID NOT like to sit still for the monitor. My poor nurse worked forever to get a good read on his heartbeat. Cole was stuck up at the top of my uterus and could not move so he was easy to find. The BP cuff was painful because my pressure was so high, it had to pump up very high to get the right reading.

I was there for a few hours when I was informed that I would be admitted to the hospital. They did not like my BP readings and apparently there was a lot of protein in my urine. Both signs of pre-eclampsia.

I was set up in room 24 at the end of one hallway. My doctor and the new female doctor who admitted me came to talk to me about my condition. They told me that I would be staying there until the babies were delivered. They could not give me a timeline because of the nature of the disease I had. Eventually I figured out that we were waiting for something really bad to happen to me for the babies to be delivered. I was told at that time that I would have a C-section because of the position of the top baby (Cole) and my high blood pressure. It was not what I wanted at all, but I had some time for it to sink in.

Mom had taken me to the doctor that morning and she went home to get my stuff. The nurses hooked me up again and they had to monitor me and the babies for about 30 minutes every shift, 3 times a day/night.

Cory got off work and came to the hospital. He spent the night in a not-so comfortable chair that folds down to a sort of bed. I had to lie on my side because of my large belly. I could not get up to do anything except go to the bathroom. This day/night was not too bad as we watched TV for awhile before we went to sleep. Although, my sleep was usually interrupted by the shift change at 11 pm.

Saturday, June 12, 2004

I woke up to another day in the hospital. My doctor tried to get some measurements on the ultrasound that morning. The boys yet again did not cooperate. Her conclusion was that these were not going to be small babies. I could have told her that! My appetite had increased, and they were starving me yet again. The hospital food was not that great, but it was tolerable at this point.

Mom stayed with me all day since Cory had to work all weekend. I tried to sleep as much as possible. The meals were not brought to this part of the hospital until well past my usual eating schedule. Everyone was trying to starve me!

Each time the boys were monitored, someone had to sit there and hold the monitor on Aidan. They strap these monitors to you, but he still moved so much that they needed help. The nurses became very familiar with Aidan and his antics! My doula, Coleen, was there much of that day, too. She was a great help through all of this ordeal and ended up hold the monitor on my belly a lot of the time.

Night time on Saturday became very difficult. The second shift nurse, Rebekah, became one my arch enemies. Two of my best friends came to visit me. My doctor came by to see me, and I was in the bathroom. I was told that she would be back. Cory and my friends went to get something to eat. In the meantime, "Becky" came to take my vital signs. At that time, she told me that my doctor said I could have no visitors except for my husband. I said, "WHAT??!" I started to cry uncontrollably because at this time, visitors were a comfort to me. I turned over away from her and bawled. She said that she could call my doctor for me or something. I wasn't listenng.

A few minutes later, the charge nurse came to see me. She said that "Becky" told her I was upset. She said she would call my doc and suggest a compromise, that I could have one extra visitor at a time for a limit of 30 minutes. I said OK, but I was still upset. None of this was explained to me, and I did not understand.

Later that night, the saga with "Becky" got even worse. I could not fall asleep because of pain in my right shoulder that intensified down to my hand. Even lying on my right side I was still extremely uncomfortable. "Becky" provided no relief. I was about 10:30 PM when I called her for help getting comfortable. I got some Tylenol, and she said she could try a heating pad but she couldn't get it until tomorrow. What the hell? How is tomorrow going to help me sleep NOW. She said she could heat up an IV bag in the microwave, and I could use that. I was just wanting any relief so I consented.

A new nurse came by for the shift change. Tammy had been very kind the night before. She put the monitors on me, and I told her about the pain I was having. She said she would get me a heating pad. It took her awhile to find one, but she did. I finally fell asleep around 12:30 - 1 AM. Stupid Becky.

Staples are out! I DO feel much better after having them removed. The doctor told me that I should be doing pretty much nothing until my BP is completely under control. She said it would take a couple of weeks for that to happen and for my swelling to go away. I can't do anything about my hand until then. She told me that I've not been taking enough of my pain medication and to use it to get the hand issue under control.

I'm going to start drafting the birth story. This may take awhile because I want to try to get everything straight -- as I remember it.

Cole and Aidan are doing well and sleeping now. So I should go and rest. My mom just yelled at me for not lying down. You should always listen to your mom.

I am back, sort of. I want to publish the whole story of last week, but my time right now is limited by a couple of things (other than the two babies!) My pregnancy swelling induced carpal tunnel in my right hand (my diagnosis, i've not seen the doc on this yet). I thought it would get better after the delivery, as i thought my ankles would be better too. boy was i wrong! my hand is much worse and my ankles are extremely swollen. Therefore, my ability to type for a long period of time is hindered by the pain and numbness in my hand.

i go to the doctor today to have my staples removed and I will be asking her what the deal is with this swelling.

i'll come back, maybe even tonight, to start the story of their birth. Cory got pictures downloaded from our camera and i hope to have them online very soon!

Aidan arrived at 9:27 p.m. weighing 5 pounds, 4 ounces and 19 1/2 inches long. He is doing great and is in Alice's room with her. Cole arrived at 9:31 p.m. weighing 5 pounds, 1 ounce and 20 inches long. Cole has some breathing problems and is still in the NICU. Alice is tired and sore. Cory reports that the boys are really cute and he's not just saying that because he's a proud and happy father. I think Alice will be back online sometime next week to tell her story. Congratulations Alice and Cory!

Cathy again. Alice is in pre-op waiting for her cesarean right now. She is very eager to hold her boys, Aidan and Cole. They did an ultrasound and an amniocentesis today and the babies are strong and BIG (over 6 pounds each). Everybody think good thoughts for Alice, in a few hours she'll be a Mommy!

This is Cathy, not Alice. Alice has been admitted to the hospital and will remain there until her babies arrive. She is 34 weeks along and has been diagnosed with pre-eclampsia. The babies are not in distress, so the doctors are not going to intervene yet. Please keep Alice, Cory and the boys in your hearts.

Yes I should probably be in bed since I will likely wake up about 3 or 4 times in the wee hours of the morning. I have felt a big burst of energy today. I've had a few days like that, mostly during the 2nd trimester. I just looked at my belly, and it looks like it is dropping still lower.

I took some pictures of the nursery now that we have the mobiles. I've hung both of them on one bed since I expect we will put the boys in one bed for awhile. Thanks Doug for the tip on the pictures. I downloaded the program, and I hope to use it once we finish reading the owners manual and connect the camera to the computer. I suppose we will have to invest in some rechargable batteries, too.

For all that he did today, Cory did piss me off by removing one of the carseats. He'll just have to put it back in the car. I can tell that he is in a bit of a nesting mood too because of some discussions we've had about organizing the babies' things. We have diapers EVERYWHERE in that nursery!

I have felt like a participant in a science experiement today having to collect my pee. My early morning trips to the bathroom will be more of a hassle. At least I get to hand over the daily contents of my bladder to the doctor tomorrow. I hope they don't make me do it again. Without going into detail, I will say that collecting the "specimen" is much harder when you are pregnant.

The dog is in her watchdog mode tonight. I hope she stops barking soon.

We got a digital camera! Now I can post pictures on my blog and I can email pictures of my babies to my friends and family. I am so excited! I've always loved taking pictures. Cory loves to take pictures too. That might have to be daddy's job because I know I will be feeding them 24/7.

Cory ran all over town making returns from the most recent shower we had. I believe we now have absolutely everything we need (and probably a lot of things we don't need). For some reason, he was very stressed about running all of these errands. My "science experiement" of collecting pee for 24 hours required that we change our anniversary plans. My mom went to the grocery store for us and now he is making some steaks for dinner on the grill. I much prefer that to eating out anyway!

We weren't going to buy gifts for each other, but Cory always breaks the rules. He got me a charm bracelet with two little boy birthstone charms and a charm of Noah's Ark. (The nursery theme is Noah's Ark). He is so thoughtful when his anger doesn't take over. He's outside now singing to the dog!

After going to the doctor yesterday, I just felt yicky all day. Mom had me go to her house so that she could wait on me. I did sleep quite a bit while I was there.

I feel better today, but I'm still not going to over do it. Cory is freaked out about having urine in the refrigerator. He didn't want to get groceries because he was afraid of "cross contamination." He is really going to get on my nerves when these babies are here. We are going to have messes everywhere and he will be OCD about germs. He is going to have to loosen up or I will kill him.

The only outing I plan to make today is to go to Target and maybe look at some digital cameras. We returned some things and got some gift cards there. I think we can get a good one without forking over any of our own cash.

Unfortunately while I am at home the phone line is tied up while I am on the computer. Cable or DSL would be one more expense that we just can't take on at this time. I better get off the puter, but I might have to read some blogs first. ;)

Doctor Visit

I am starting to be concerned about my pregnancy. At today's visit, I had high BP and I'm spilling protein in my urine. Both are possible symptoms of pre-eclampsia. I have to take a 24 hour urine sample and then take it to the doctor on Thursday. I will have my blood drawn again at that time. Then I will go back to the doctor on Friday to get the results. The only treatment for pre-eclampsia is to deliver the babies. At least we've made it this far. Friday I will be 34 weeks.

Cory and I are supposed to celebrate our anniversary tomorrow night. I called him at work to tell him what the doctor said and I don't think he fully understands. I told him I had to collect my urine. He said "Hold it." I'm going to print out that article I referenced above for him to let him know just how serious this is.

My mom is going to come over to take care of me. I am supposed to do some work, but I would really just like to sleep.

I'm trying to get this pile on my desk cleaned up. I still have some random piles on my filing cabinet. They are mostly "resources" that I don't really have a plan for. I could probably throw them all away and I would never miss them.

New Poll

I thought of this poll because there is an ad at the top of my blog page for a plaster cast kit for pregnant women. I have also seen this done on one of those "Baby Story" shows on Discovery Health. I had never heard of it previously.

Still Pregnant

Apologies to all of you keeping up with me via this blog. I don't mean to make people worry when I don't blog on the weekend. It was just a very busy weekend, and when I wasn't "doing" or "going" I was trying to rest.

Saturday Mom and I went to the carseat checkpoint to have the carseats properly installed. ATTENTION PARENTS AND PARENTS TO BE: If you have a Safe Kids Coalition in your town, you need to take advantage of this free service they provide. Carseats are much more complicated than I EVER thought. I told Cory that we would not be removing the seats from my car until it was time to use the larger size seat. And another thing... apparently they make carseats for premiees. You can only use them up to 5 lbs. I don't think we will need them since these boys are close to 5 lbs. already.

Sunday was the shower at my mom's church. Our house is overrun with "stuff." I will be returning many things because my aunt in Virginia sent us 7 trash bags full of clothes. After the shower we sorted everything, and I'll start making returns today. We have pretty much everything we asked for.

Funny story
My brother Eli and his girlfriend went shopping at Target for the shower. They looked at clothes and apparently Eli thought all of the boy baby clothes were "gay" looking. (that is not an Alice-approved adjective, but that's what he said) His girlfriend said, "Eli, they are baby clothes!" Eli said he wanted something with rock climbing, the outdoors, Jeep, camping, etc. on it. He then said, "I'm going to River Sports!" I guess our boys will be equipped with rockclimbing gear by the time they are two years old.

That was pretty much my weekend. I am at work today hopefully for the last time in awhile. I'll probably have to stop in here and there to pick up a file or something, but I don't expect to be back full time until my maternity leave is up. I will still be officially working, but I will just be at home.

I just finished my training. My feet and legs are so swollen that I am miserable. I have done too much today. I am going to ask to go home.

Good morning internet!

The end is in sight. I am training people today to help while I am on leave. I thought this day would never come. Not only that, but it is Friday!

My plans this weekend are to get the car seats properly installed in the car. We have a local group of the Safe Kids Coalition, and they set up car seat checkpoints every month at a local car dealership. I am going tomorrow to one checkpoint to make sure they are in correctly the first time. They won't let you leave the hospital without a car seat (or two in our case).

Sunday is a shower at my mom's church. We'll see how many people show up. They did a shower for us for our wedding and the turn out was miserable. And that was when I was a member of the church. That is one of the myriad of reasons why I do not go to that church anymore.

My whole body is pregnant, I discovered this morning. It was a bad clothes day. Have you ever had one of those days when you just couldn't find anything to wear? Then you end up pulling something out of the dirty clothes because it is more comfortable than anything else you tried on that day. I must have gained weight or be retaining water or be swelling all over because I put on some pants that fit nicely in the legs in my 1st and 2nd trimesters. Now they are too tight.

Breastfeeding class went well. I got some free breastpads for being the slideshow "clicker." I think the woman teaching the class did that on purpose because she knows me. She said that they have two sets of twins in the NICU and a set of triplets. The twins were tiny, tiny - around 2 to 3 lbs. at birth. Thank goodness we've already surpassed that mark.

Speaking of surpassing marks, today marks Week 33. Just a few more to go!

I am supposed to go to a breastfeeding class tonight at 6:30. I hope my feet and my legs allow me to make it there. I am going to drink gallons of water today and see if that makes a difference. So far, it hasn't. The doctor said, "Listen carefully, do not restrict salt in your diet. It won't help the swelling or your blood pressure." I knew that already, but I didn't say that. He hasn't told me much that I haven't read in a book, magazine or online already. I guess he just doesn't know who he has as a patient :)

I need to get over my resentful feelings toward my husband. I need to let him do things and realize things on his own time.

He worked yesterday, went to the doctor and then came home and made dinner. I worked yesterday, and by the time I got home, my legs were starting to swell along with my feet. I wanted and needed to do some cleaning around the house, but I knew my body wouldn't tolerate it.

I became frustrated this morning when all of the dishes from the night before were still sitting there dirty. We had just discussed a possible bug problem in the kitchen. Cory doesn't use just a few dishes to cook, either. He is "the chef" and has to use every available dish, utensil and pot.

So I start to do the dishes this morning. He comes in and tells me to stop because he was going to do them. I ask what is expected of me and he says "Nothing!" I guess I needed to hear that because my assumption was that he was wanting me to do some things around the house still. I think he just wants recognition for his part and patience with doing everything else. I want it all done and done now. I wonder if Mary Poppins is still for hire...

I think we both are so independent, or stubborn, that we don't like to ask others for help. Both my mom and his mom have offered to come over and clean. I haven't been able to bring myself to say "yes" to them yet. My mom cleaned up after me for years. I was such a messy person up until a few years ago.

For some reason the clock on my computer isn't keeping time correctly. I kept updating it yesterday. It is irritating because I look at it for my time since I can no longer wear my one working watch that looks professional.

I'm trying to get other friends of mine to blog. Or we could create a group blog. My college friends and I used to be so close since we all lived together. I often miss that, and I think it would be fun to know what's going on with everyone. This will be my next distracting project.

DOCTOR APPOINTMENT UPDATE

I had another appointment this morning. My blood pressure was elevated, and he was concerned about that. I have to go weekly now so that they can keep an eye on that.

The ultrasound showed that one baby is head down with his head already in my pelvis. I knew that already because my bladder tells me every hour. The other baby is still up high with his head on my left side. Both of their legs are on my right side. The lower baby was difficult to measure because his legs are deep inside of me. From his measurments he calculated that one weighs 4 lbs., 10 oz. and the other is 4 lbs., 6 oz. So they are at least symmetrical in their growth. Doc said they would be big but not too big. He also said if they were born this week that they would be in NICU, and we certainly don't want that.

He checked my cervix, and it is still closed. My contractions aren't causing it to dialate, thank goodness.

That's the update this week! I guess now I'll be giving weekly updates until they arrive. It's good that my boss and I talked last week about working from home because the doc said I needed to start restricting my activity. I won't be able to do that today because I have to meet with the pregnant teenagers at 1 pm and then another meeting at 3 pm. I guess I better get to work!

Being at work makes me miserable. Not because I am at work necessarily, but because it is so hot in here that my feet are yet again twice their normal size. This does not happen when I am at home.

Here is an interesting job opportunity for someone who has experience in youth programs, human services, and or education.

I might need to look into being a peer reviewer for some federal agency grantee. I wonder how much money they make?

I am giving in.

Here is my preggo picture.

I don't know how long it will stay here so get a good look now!
(Remember, this picture was taken at the Zoo event on May 8. I was 29 weeks then. I'm even bigger today. Ouch!)

As if you needed an excuse to have a dog...

Petting a Pooch Can Lift Your Mood

This is something that dog owners have known since dogs and humans have been on earth!