Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Blogger Idol

It's like American Idol but for your blog!
This week's theme is "Blogger Pageant." I have to pick a pageant contestant question and answer it. I selected the question "Who is your family's "black sheep" and why?"

I am my family's "black sheep." This distinction mostly refers to our political ideologies and world views. I discovered that I am the black sheep back in January when we were sitting around talking with my brother and his girlfriend after his birthday dinner. Apparently, they are shocked that I do not approve of George W. Bush as our President. My mom tells me this and of course I ask, "Why?" "He is a good Christian man, and they don't know why you wouldn't support him."

Uh, where do I start?

Honestly, I just don't know where to start making my list of why I think he is a poor leader. I'll have to do that list in another blog.

So my political and social views make me a black sheep. I find this strange because I went to a very conservative college. I think the friends that I made in college and professors that I had did more to help me think critically about the world than anything. Most of the students were very conservative. I guess I just have to go against the flow everywhere I am. It has taken me awhile to be comfortable in that position. But is pays to be weird in a world that is consumed by consumption.

My youngest brother apparently shares my views on the world. I wonder what happened to him? I guess some people can see beyond simple self and family protection.

i could go more in depth here, but I don't have the time or the energy today. it takes a lot of energy to be the black sheep. Baaa.

Ok, my comments are still on Haloscan. Why don't they show up in my blog?

I really don't have anything to blog. I've got to get myself motivated to do my actual work. I've done things today, but most of it has been personal phone calls. Or at least it feels like a lot of it has been personal. I think haloscan is broken. My blog comes up but it has errors on the page and my comments don't show up. i'm going to check haloscan now.

I want a digital camera so much! Anyone know of a good brand for about $100-150? What should I look for? I just want to take pics and upload them to the internet/email/blog. Leave a comment if you have suggestions. Thanks!

I received this on email. Instead of forwarding it, I'm going to complete the survey here.
1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES? Brown and blue
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? I am in the middle of several books. I've been trying to read The Bonesetters Daughter by Amy Tan, but I keep interrupting it with pregnancy books.
3. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? at work, it says "Safe Schools, Healthy Students" at home it is just blue
4. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Cranium
5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? currently, ones about parenting
7. LEAST FAVORITE SMELL? dog poo
8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? how am I going to navigate getting out of bed with this huge belly
9. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR? none really
10. FAVORITE COLOR? burgundy/garnet
11. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? Aidan Daniel and Cole Michael. If I ever had a girl, Caia Marie
13. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate
14. Favorite SOUND? Voices singing in harmony
15. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? yes, when I won't get in trouble
16. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? the dog
17. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? 1986 Oldsmobile Delta Eighty-Eight
18. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE? too many to decide...
19. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? Yes if they are cooked, not raw
20. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE? a stay at home mom
21. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY HAIR COLOR WHAT WOULD IT BE? I am happy with the dirt brown that I have
22. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Yes
23. IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? FULL – it depends on my hormone level on a given day
24. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES? Movies plural??? Oh my.... well, here's a short list: High Fidelity; O Brother, Where Art Thou?; The Princess Bride; The Lion King; About A Boy; Raising Arizona; The Blues Brothers... that's all I can think of right now. These are movies I would watch even if they came on TV.
25. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? I try very hard to do so.
26. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? Empty suitcases, dust, dog hair
27. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Baseball or a really close basketball game
28. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? Being caught asleep in a natural disaster or a house fire or being raped.
29. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU. A great listener
30. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? I didn't send it to anyone so I don't know
31. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? See above
32. FAVORITE CD? John Mayer "Heavier Things"
33. FAVORITE TV SHOW? The Apprentice ("You're Fired!") or American Idol
34. KETCHUP OR MUSTARD? Mustard
35. HAMBURGERS OR HOT DOGS? Hamburger
36. FAVORITE SOFT DRINK? Sprite
37. YOUR FULL NAME: Alice Cockrum Brown (good thing I got married, huh?)
38. FAVORITE BEER? Hornsby's Hard Cider (Is that considered beer?)




I got back last night, and I was apparently either full of energy or manic. (could be some of both after sitting for three hours in the car). Here's what I did:
1. Took some water and cheese crackers to my husband at work.
2. Went to the grocery store.
3. Unloaded the car and put groceries away.
4. Unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher.
5. Gave the dog a bath.
6. Put a load of laundry in the wash.
7. Cleaned the shower/tub.
8. Gathered the trash and took the can to the curb
9. Made lunches for myself and Cory for today.
10. Entered purchases in the checkbook
11. Put my stuff from the trip away.
12. Watched the end of the Lady Vols vs. Stanford bb game. Go Vols!

I hope that I do not pay for all of this tomorrow. It takes about a day for sleep deprivation to set in for me. I did rest a lot more in Nashville than I normally do, so maybe I'll be ok. It was kind of nice to have the entire bed to myself for a night.

I hope that Cory is not on the verge of a burnout. He has worked both jobs for 2 days in a row and has to do it again today. He got to move to a different bank branch, but that hasn't really helped so far. He works from 8-4:30ish and then has to be at Lowes from 5-11. I think the relaxing vacation has worn off quickly with that schedule. I hope he is OK the rest of this week. I don't want this schedule to affect his primary job and him make more mistakes. Apparenly, though, this particular branch is very slow. He went to the library and checked out Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil after our trip to Savannah. It is supposed to be mostly historical stuff about Savannah. He has read 7 chapters of this book (that's how slow it is at work!). Now, I write this down because I want it to be recorded somewhere that he is reading a book and will probably finish it soon! This is not a normal behavior and I am glad he is reading something. He took 3 ghost tours in Charleston and 2 in Savannah, as well. I refused because I was worn out at night AND my imagination is already overactive when it comes to spooky stuff.

Ok, I guess I better put my shoes on and get ready for work. I'll read some other blogs first!

Monday, March 29, 2004

I am preparing to get on the road to Nashville. I probably will not have access to a computer until I get home tomorrow night. No more blogs until Tues. PM or Wed. AM. I really do not want to drive for 3 hours, but it is a necessary evil. Plus, my travel check should be a good one for this month :D.

Blog ya later!

Here's a vacation story:
The best day on our vacation was Thursday in Savannah. Cory and I pre-paid for tickets to a lunch with Paula Deen. If you ever watch the Food Network, you must watch her show at least once. She will make your mouth water just describing the food as she cooks it.

We were with a large group of people at this luncheon. We had a wonderful buffet with fried chicken, baked chicken, ribs, collard greens, green beans, macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, etc. etc. I had banana pudding for dessert. YUM!

Then we got to meet Paula. She came to speak to the group and told us how she got involved in the restaurant industry. It is a very compelling story; maybe I'll tell it sometime :) Anyway, then she went upstairs and it was a mad dash to get in line for her signature on cookbooks, etc. Cory stood in line and I took some pictures.

Did I mention that her sons are in business with her? They are HOTT! Here is the link to the Lady and Sons in Savannah, GA. If you are ever in the area of Savannah, I highly recommend you go to the Lady and Sons!

I checked out the Human for Sale website. This must be another conspiracy created by the same people who run insurance companies. I am worth $1,799,862.

Well, here I am at work again. I actually have to go to Nashville at some point today. I am doing a workshop tomorrow. I need to call my co presenter and see if she is still planning on being there! I am so disorganized about this because I am at a point where I really don't care.

I gave my intern a couple of assignments to do, and I think she screwed one of them up. Not too bad, I think, but still not what I wanted. I guess what they say is true, if you want it done right, do it yourself. I thought I gave her clear enough instructions, but apparently not.

Yesterday was plain awful... as the song goes. I was uncomfortable all day long. No position lying, sitting, standing made me feel any better. I am dying to lie on my stomach, but there's no chance of that happening. As much as I dreaded the walking on our vacation, I think it actually helped me. Oh well, forget that now. My job requires that I SIT all the time!

My co worker is already in Nashville. Her presentation is this morning. She just called and said that she doesn't think she'll be able to handle me being gone on maternity leave. It's nice to know that somebody cares :)

I guess I better try to get some work done before I leave. I've got reports to complete since i'll be out of the office all day tomorrow.

Saturday, March 27, 2004

I'm baaaack!!!!!

I've been back since yesterday, but I've not really had the will to do anything on the computer until now.

I really am not sure how to sum up the entire week I've been on vacation. Maybe I can do some segments as I am able to remember it. I could have blogged on Monday afternoon at a cafe we went to. I probably really needed to since that was the worst day for me emotionally the entire week. But by the time I wanted to get on the computer, some guy started hogging it. Oh well, that's in the past anyway.

I will say that I enjoyed Savannah more than Charleston. I've been to Charleston before, and it really doesn't have any "mystique" for me anymore. Savannah, however, was a lot of fun! If were not pregnant, i probably would have enjoyed it even more. I think it took the Charleston half of our trip for the guilt trips from my husband to stop. Or maybe I was more emotionally stable once we were in Savannah. I dunno what it was. Maybe it was the seafood. I quit eating it so much when we got to Savannah; Cory ate it every night, but i was sick of it by Tuesday.

I had a hard time going back to the old double bed at home. We had nice queen sized beds at both of the B&B's where we stayed. It is amazing how much more room you have! I would consider getting a queen; however, our bedroom suite is one that I inherited from a great aunt. the bed frame is full size and I don't think a queen mattress will fit. I am not giving up that furniture, ever. I am sure it is antique and I really like it a lot.

so I did not sleep well last night with less room PLUS the dog. I've not felt well all day either. I started some yard work this morning. I completed one part of a bulb planting project, but I wanted to do a little more. my mom came over with a glider rocker and ottoman she found for $50 at a yard sale. we took the dog and went to more yard sales. i spent 50 cents on two crib sheets :) i love yard sales!

I am physically ready for these babies to be here. i feel more and more clausterphobic every day. it's harder for me to breathe, eat, and do anything that requires bending, twisting, etc. i am at 23 weeks, which i call the point of no return... since now they can supposedly survive outside the womb. albit, this is not the ideal situation for them to be born any time soon! I just feel like we've made it past another milestone. i still feel good in general. i think i just ate too much dinner. i hope that i can sleep tonight.

Thursday, March 18, 2004

We were going to leave the dog at my brother in law's house. We went over there and discovered that his fence has several places where she could easily crawl under and run away. He also lives on a busy road and she would probably get hit by a car on the road if she got out. So we had to scramble to find someone to feed her. Mom has the week off since it is spring break (she works at a school) and she agreed to feed her.

when i talked to my mom, she sounded really tired and wiped out. so i said, "you sound tired. is everything ok?" uh, no. a co-worker who has also been her good friend for years went off on her about something so stupid and petty. and then the next day (today) mom tried to tell her how she felt about it and just got more grief from this woman. so i had to counsel my mom. she was so upset that she started crying on the phone. the week before spring break is hard because everyone needs a break, everyone is on edge, and the kids are wild at the school. i tried to tell mom that the woman probably was upset or on edge about something else and she just happened to be the easy target. it still doesn't make it easier to cope with when your friend treats you that way. it makes me hurt to hear her so hurt because my mom doesn't have very many close friends.

we are getting up early and will try to leave around 8 am. we are travelling to Columbia, SC and staying with friends for Friday night. we are getting up early Saturday to leave for Charleston. we'll be in Charleston until Tuesday. Tuesday afternoon we will leave for Savannah, GA. We will be in Savannah until Friday, when we come home! Cory is looking forward to all of the great seafood we can eat. I just hope I don't collapse from all of the walking.

Well, that's about it on this end. i've just been running around trying to get everything ready to go. now i am tired. i'm going to take my pills and go to sleep. i probably won't blog for a loooong time! have a great week!

i was going to blog but it's 5 pm and i'm going home because I'M ON VACATION!
(how's that for a run on sentence!)

don't worry, i'll blog before i leave tomorrow am.

I've been thinking a lot more about what happened at the doctor Monday. My husband is now against me having a doula since the doctor indicated that she wouldn't be able to be in the operating room with us. I will have to be in the operating room even if I am able to deliver vaginally just in case something goes wrong. These men just don't get it. I didn't even want to have a doctor or deliver in a hospital in the first place. All I want is some one there for ME who has been through this and can support me. So I have almost decided that I will switch doctors if he will not allow the doula to be in the room with us. I am already anxious enough about this; having a doula is all that I ask, please don't ask me to change that. If my doctor cannot hear that, then he will be fired! (a la Trump).

This whole thing is just frustrating, and it shouldn't have to be. I should have the support of my husband and I really don't know how to get it.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

I KNEW IT! I had to stop at McD's on the way back from the school! I had a craving for the fruit n' yogurt parfait. Good thing I had some change in my car or I would have been in trouble.
What's left to do at work today:
1. Eat my parfait
2. Fill up my water bottle
3. Prepare handouts, etc. for another school presentation tomorrow.
4. Help the intern with the copier that is malfunctioning.
5. Give the intern work to do for Friday when I will be on VACATION!!!!

I have to get ready to go talk to some middle school students in about 1 hour, or less, now that I look at my watch....

I ate lunch, but I have a feeling that I will be starving again in a few hours.

I went to one of my favorite stores to get some more makeup and facial products, as well as a few gifts. If you have never tried Burt's Bees products, you must try them soon!






what's your inner flower?


[c] sugardew



This is my inner flower

I just checked the website for the local newspaper, and the letter to the editor has not been published. I bet they will wait until Sunday to print it, which is great because more people read the Sunday paper than any other day. I only subscribe on Saturday and Sunday.

I feel wiped out today. Maybe it was the benadryl I took last night. I'm going to keep taking it for a few more days and see if I can get this allergy thing under control before it becomes another sinus infection. I just feel like I could fall asleep at any moment.

I need to update my pregnancy journal. I guess I'll go do that now.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

for some reason my blog site is not coming up on my computer... very strange

ok i'm back from the bank. i got a call from the newspaper about a letter to the editor i sent yesterday. they wanted to print it but wanted to cut a few things down because it was too long. Here is the letter:

Editor, News-Sentinel:

I and the staff of the Mental Health Association of East Tennessee have some concerns with the Sunday, March 14th story about Michael Harvey. From the comments made by the friends of Harvey, we are concerned that teens and their parents may have some misinformation about teenage depression and alcohol use.

As a mental health educator, many I talk with use the word “depression” to describe situational feelings that are often temporary. Many teens and their parents think that feeling depressed as a teen is “normal.” ANY warning signs of depression are not “normal” or healthy at ANY age.
The signs of depression are:
 Social withdrawal
 Sadness and hopelessness
 Lack of enthusiasm, energy, or motivation
 Anger and rage
 Overreaction to criticism
 Poor self-esteem or guilt
 Indecision or lack of concentration
 Restlessness, agitation, and irritability
 Changes in eating/sleeping patterns
 Self-injury
 Substance abuse
 Thoughts of suicide
If several of these symptoms have been present for 2 weeks or longer, then a person may be clinically depressed and should seek treatment.

Our other concern is about the perception that drinking alcohol in high school is “normal”. According to the US Department of Health and Human Services, in 2001, 17.3 percent of youths aged 12 to 17 used alcohol in the month prior to their survey. Also, 10.6 percent surveyed were binge drinkers and 2.5 percent were heavy drinkers. A 1999 survey reports that 52 percent of those who had ever been diagnosed with alcohol abuse or dependence had also experienced a mental disorder at some time in their lives. What may seem “normal” is really a red flag that more and more teens are using alcohol to possibly self-medicate deep emotional problems.

We would like everyone to have this information so that they may help a loved one who may have depression. For more information, depression screenings, or referrals for treatment, please call the Mental Health Association, (865) 584-9125. The friends, family and entire Loudon County community are in our thoughts.

Here is the article i responed to:

Michael Harvey's death: Friends recall teenager who was 'good person that just snapped'
By ERICKA MELLON, mellone@knews.com
March 14, 2004

LENOIR CITY - Rose Taylor, a senior at Lenoir City High School, had not eaten in more than 24 hours.

The bespectacled teenager had had a weak stomach since learning her good friend 16-year-old Michael Harvey was believed to have fatally shot a Loudon County sheriff's deputy and would not come out of his house.

Early Saturday afternoon, she and two friends gathered on a grassy hill, outside the plush Cabot Ridge subdivision, just down the street from the Palmer Drive residence where Harvey was holed up.

They came for answers. They left in tears.

Around 3 p.m., Loudon County Sheriff Tim Guider stood on the same hill and announced that Harvey, a junior at Lenoir City High School, had been found dead, with a gunshot wound to the head, inside the house.

"Oh, God," Taylor said she thought. "I kind of expected it, but I didn't want it."

After Guider spoke, Taylor and her friends, Ciara Hargis and Quinn Fine, exited the media-drenched area and went to O'Charley's for lunch.

Like the rest of Loudon County, they tried to cope with the tragedy of two young lives lost.

Deputy Jason Scott was 24.

And they tried to make sense of what led the Michael Harvey they knew - a good friend who had battled with depression but had a good sense of humor - to this end.

"Repressed emotions, that would be my best guess," Taylor said. "He would tell you he was ticked off about something, but he wouldn't talk about it.

"If you don't have a way to release your emotions, you eventually just crack."

Hargis said Harvey had spent some time at Peninsula Hospital, which offers inpatient mental health care.

"I knew he had some problems with depression, and that's normal enough. But he was in Peninsula for a little while," Hargis said.

Dwight Van de Vate, chief deputy for the Knox County Sheriff's Office, said Friday that Harvey "apparently had been drinking (Thursday) night."

Harvey's assistant manager at Little Joe's Pizza in Farragut said he left the restaurant around 10 p.m. and told him he planned to rent a movie and watch it.

Taylor and Hargis said they did not hang out with Harvey on Thursday night, but they heard "he was drinking a bit, a little bit," Taylor said.

Both teens said Harvey did drink alcohol, but they had no reason to worry about it. He was an intelligent teenager who loved movies, music and video games, they said.

"It wasn't a serious thing," Taylor said of his drinking. "He didn't drink very much. He drank like most high-schoolers drink."

"For him, it was a game," she added. "He kind of used life as a game. I don't know if that was a way for him to cope with things. He didn't take very much seriously."

Charlie Sharp, who moved into Cabot Ridge in November, also waited on the hill Saturday afternoon for news. Like Taylor, he expected officers would find Harvey dead.

"Of course, you hope the person comes out alive, but this sheriff has shown great restraint. They're to be commended," Sharp said.

"As bad as it sounds, the life of a 16-year-old is not worth the life of another police officer," he added.

Scott Parker, 44, spent part of Saturday afternoon doing construction work on a house in the Hidden Cove subdivision about a mile from the Harvey residence. Both homes overlook Fort Loudoun Lake, which couldn't help but sparkle under the weekend sun.

Lamenting the shooting death of deputy Scott, Parker reminisced about days past, when guns didn't seem to cause so much harm.

"Times have changed so much," Parker said. "I graduated from high school in 1977. I'd go squirrel hunting some days before school. I'd carry a shotgun and leave it in the backseat of the car sitting in the school parking lot. It's just, times have changed. And it's a sad change."

At Little Joe's, co-workers cried and hugged each other outside the restaurant after hearing Harvey was gone.

"I don't even think it's really sunk in yet," said Chris Inklebarger, 20, who was working at the restaurant during his spring break from the University of Georgia. "I want people to know that he was a good person that just snapped one day. He wasn't a bad guy."

Wayne Miller, the superintendent of Lenoir City Schools, said Harvey had no discipline problems in school.

"This was the kid next door," Miller said. "He was reasonably quiet and reasonably polite, just your average high school student."

Miller also spoke highly of Harvey's parents. His father, Frank, is an assistant district attorney for Loudon County. His mother, Ann, was formerly the executive director of United Way of Loudon County.

"They're wonderful people. They're caring and compassionate," he said. "I can only imagine the trauma they feel."

Lenoir City High School will have the school's two psychologists available to talk to students on Monday.

"I just want to emphasize that if young people feel the stress or pressure to succeed, there's absolutely staff members to help them through," Miller said. "Don't be ashamed to step forward."

Taylor and Hargis said they plan to wear black bands around their arms to honor their friend at school.

"He's our fallen comrade," Taylor said.




I've not blogged until now because I have been so busy. I got to work later than usual because I had to help my husband this morning. He monitors the bank account and he forgot about a certain bill that was going to go through. This meant we would be negative on the account. Since he works at such bank, an overdrawn account would be very bad. (which reminds me, i need to go make a deposit, i may have to end this and come back to it in a few minutes)

Monday, March 15, 2004

i took a benadryl. i'll probably pass out pretty soon. at least i can breathe now!

well, i have let someone down.

suffice it to say that i broke a promise. i realize that this deeply hurts when someone breaks a promise; God knows it's happened to me plenty.

So i ask for forgiveness and have to move on. That's all I can do. That's all i can say here.

I had to wait to see the doctor for TWO HOURS! I have NEVER waited for a doctor that long.

He is OK in some respects, but in others he is still just a man. Thinks he knows everything. told me my husband would be all the doula I would need in birth support. yeah right. i have an inherent distrust of men. not because they are bad, but because they often make comments like that thinking they know ALL about it. (replace the word "it" with any subject being discussed)

my husband was talking about the recent local tragedy where a 16 year old boy killed a police officer coming to his home on a domestic call. apparently the boy had been drinking the night before, mom didn't let him drive to school and he assaulted her. he was holed up in the house for hours with high powered guns. he ended up killing himself. before we found out that he killed him self, my husband says, "i hope they just end up shooting him." I say, "what good would that do? a life for a life? we don't live in Old Testament times anymore." He says, "well, put yourself in the shoes of the family that lost that officer! how would you feel! you would want him to die!"
All I could do was just shake my head and let him walk away. He would never understand if I tried to explain it. No, I can't imagine what that would feel like to lose someone in such a tragic way. Would I want someone to die for that? I don't know, maybe. Is that thought something i can morally reconcile with what I believe about life and death and ultimate punishment? probably not. His kind of thinking is what gets us into wars in Iraq and other places.

This is my husband's level of empathy. Now, how empathetic do you think he would be to a woman in pregnancy/child birth. This is why i need a doula. This is my general complaint about men. yes, i recognize this is a generalization, but as a member of a group in society that has to deal with general fears and worries that men never do, i don't think men can appreciate women's experiences as much as a woman can. that just seems like a no brainer to me.

i wanted to ask the doctor, "so why do men get into the field of women's health anyway???"

That is my rant for the night.

I CANNOT BREATHE! This is getting to be beyond ridiculous.

I was going to write more, but I think it will take too long. I have to leave to go to the doctor. I'll make some more bloggings later.

Ok i know it's not Friday, it's far from it, being Monday.... but I am answering these questions anyway. Find the Friday 5 questions here.
1. What was the last song you heard?
Ramble On by Led Zeppelin. I heard it on the radio coming to work.
2. What were the last two movies you saw?
Hmm... I saw High Fidelity on TV and we rented Inventing the Abbots. I highly recommend both.
3. What were the last three things you purchased?
food, food and food. gotta feed those babies!
4. What four things do you need to do this weekend?
We are going on vacation so I don't really NEED to do anything... Visit friends, eat good food, get out of the car every hour, and spend time with my husband.
5. Who are the last five people you talked to? my boss, my husband, my mom, my mother in law, and my dog

i was just handed something that 'came on my email.' if it came on email then why couldn't you just forward it to me.

i am so petty.

I came to work so early that I beat everyone else here! That rarely happens. I used to be the first one at work on most days. Then our office manager started coming in early to get some work done. Then our boss kept coming in early (which sort of defeated the purpose of office manager coming in early, but who's counting?).

I have a dr. appointment today so I can't miss much more work. Now I can't find my time sheet to see how I am doing for the month.

There is some work being done to the building or something, and it is really annoying! Not much else is going on here, at least not yet.

Sunday, March 14, 2004

i've been doing all of this house work today and now I am bored. i supposed i should just go read or something. i think i'll do that in a min.

i am sick yet again. yay. this is the 4th time in this pregnancy that i have had nasal congestion, cough, etc, etc. i am ready for it to be over. i don't want to take medication, but i also enjoy breathing. so it's a trade off, i suppose.

mother in law came by today. she wanted some more invitations for the shower. yet again i was reminded that i did invitations to my own shower. i shouldn't complain because i could have said no. no wait, my husband said yes, not me. i should have said no to him. she is such a busy body that she has to be involved too. i think it is customary for someone other than the grandparents to give the shower.

my fingernails are growing out again. i'm starting to look like Freddy Krueger.

I spent several hours at my parents' house. I mainly talked to my mom because my dad and my brother are both mesmerized by tv and/or computer screens. My brother sits at the computer desk, leans against the wall, turns the tv toward him and watches tv and the computer simultaneously. That, my friends, is sad. But, my parents don't do anything about it. Mom and I had good conversation. My nose kept getting stuffier and stuffier as the night went on. I came home and took some generic "non-drying sinus" medication. What it should also say is "non-sleeping" on the box, too. I did fall asleep at about 10:30, right after I heard my husband come in the door from work (the second job at Lowe's).
He came to bed at 12:30, brought the dog, and the night went downhill from there. The way he was holding the dog in the bed made it so her legs kept kicking me in the ribs. So finally I picked her up and put her at the end of the bed. This was after being startled awake by the kicking. I tossed and turned, and finally, I just got up and went to the couch. This is the first time, but probably not the last time, I slept on the couch. It wasn't so bad, and I actually had room for all of the pillow placement I needed. I proped my legs up and put a pillow between my legs. I still didn't sleep well, but at least no one was kicking me. I was also coughing, and I didn't want to disturb Cory with that.
I have just now woken up from an hour-long nap, and I was STARVING. I just finished my second breakfast, and I'm still not very satisfied. I think we are about to see a growth spurt in my belly.

Saturday, March 13, 2004

Our yard sale was a huge success. i couldn't believe how many people showed up. i think we benefitted from having it at a time when not many were going on yet. It was COLD this morning with the wind blowing, but that didn't seem to stop people who were looking for some deals. I would guess that 2/3 of our stuff was gone by 10 am. And buddy, I am worn out!

Cory has to work tonight and he asked me if i would come and eat dinner with him. I told him no that i needed to rest. i slept for 2 hours and now i am going to be bored all night. so i am planning on going to my parents house. i guess i better call him and tell him so that he doesn't get bent out of shape about it. i just don't want to spend any more money. we already spent some on lunch and his dinner. i also want to see my family.

It is Saturday and it is EARLY!

Taking the dog for a walk wore me out! I only walked a mile at a park that I have walked sometimes 2-2 1/2 miles before. Of course, I was not carrying the extra weight. The dog is not a good walker either. Playing tug of war with her and the pain in my pelvis just exhausted me. I went to bed at 8:45 pm! No wonder I was ready to go at 5:15 this morning. My husband didn't come to bed until 12 or 1 so I don't want to try to wake him yet. I'd like to get this garage sale stuff out so that I can price it (another thing I meant to do last night that didn't happen). I was thinking of buying some cheap cups and making coffee for the people who come this morning. I could put FREE COFFEE on my currently non-existant signs.

One advantage of waking up so early with so much energy is that I have a load of dishes running in the dishwasher AND a load of laundry in the washer. yay! I really need to vaccuum, but that would probably wake Cory.

I hope we make some money today. My recent track record with yard sales is not so good. I guess it's because we usually don't sell any large items. I wanted to go ahead and sell the futon. I mentioned it last night, and Cory wasn't so keen on the idea. We might need it someday later. Well, that's why we have all of this junk in the first place! I guess as long as we have room for it in the garage, then we can keep it. I am just in a Clean Sweep mood.

Friday, March 12, 2004

I took the dog for a walk. I was planning on going from the park to the UPS store to get the free yard sale signs we get for the ad we placed. I was too hungry, and they closed at 7 pm. Oh well. We get so much traffic on our street that we will probably get some people anyway. In the paper I put "HUGE yard sale." That's going to be a lie now because my co worker is not bringing her stuff. Neither is my brother. Apparently he called yesterday but did not leave a message for some reason. Whatever.

I know this sounds unappealing, but I keep having constant pain in my butt and pelvic area. It helped to sleep with the pillow between my legs last night. We only have a double bed, and with the dog in the bed, it gets cramped if I try to sleep with the pillow, too. It will probably get worse as I continue to grow larger. I found some more websites at work today, but the printouts are in my car. I'll probably add them later. There are some good twins and breastfeeding sites.

My husband seems to be in a good mood despite all that has happened today. If he were into this kind of thing, I think a blog would be good for him.

I am tired already, and I have to get up early for the sale. woohoo. we better make some money dangit.

it has been a busy day all day so far. i had not had time to blog until now.

Cory had the meeting with his supervisor. He is on probation. I am very concerned about him and what could happen with his work. He told me that he must be just a big loser. Of course I don't think that about him, but if i say that to him, he will just get more upset. I need to modify my reactions to statements he makes that are self-depreciating.

What I am concerned about is the fact that he has the medical insurance through his job. So, now I've expressed that concern, and I'm going to let it go. Prayer has worked so far in this time of change and upheaval in our lives. I'm going to continue to pray that the situation will work out for the best.

At least his day has not been like Cathy's day. Cathy, I am here if you need me.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

i think today's discussion about working from home went surprisingly well. i will remain hopeful about it while he considers it.

i just talked to my husband. i realize now that he has been stressed about his full time job and some things going on there, not just the part-time job. he works for a local bank. he was initially hired as a teller, but while in the teller training class, he was moved to operations supervisor training. part of that training is travelling to different branches to be trained by the current ops supervisor at that branch. the past two branches he has been to have been a source of frustration and stress because he feels like he is not being training properly. he often is put on a teller window to do that job. he has made a couple of mistakes at the teller window in the past week or so. now his supervisor wants to meet with him in the AM. he was not told what the meeting was for. so now he is stressed about what MIGHT be said at that meeting. i think he has the potential to do well at this job, but he is a highly organized person. right now, he is working with an unorganized person. he is working with people who often like to just chit chat rather than work. he does not cope with that very well. i think if he would just let go of some of these 'hang ups' he might feel better. this is easier said than done. i went to therapy for several months before i started to calm down. and i am still a highly anxious person. as you can tell, i am concerned about him. my mom says "let him be stressed so that he knows what it feels like. it's not going to get any better." i agree to a point, but i also know that stress can have a physical affect on your body. not to mention, stress can be a gateway to other more severe mental health problems. I think what he needs are some new coping skills. the problem with that is he would have to seek the opportunity to learn those skills. that's probably not going to happen. but hey, stranger things have happened (like my boss considering letting me work from home. who knew?)

Finished the curriculum! yay! this project has been going on too long. i just needed the kick in the pants to get it done. i've probably been working on it for over a year. too long. oh well, if that was the only thing i have as a responsibility at work, then i could have finished a looong time ago. tomorrow is a training with the curriculum manual so i had to have it today.

mood around the office seems to be good today. that may be favorable to my requests.

This is a good article. I want it on here for future reference...

for about the past week i've been waking up with leg cramps, very painful leg cramps. my coworker said it was a potassium deficiency. i read on WebMD's pregnancy site that potassium and calcium deficiencies can cause leg cramps. that site suggests drinking a glass of milk before bed. i was thinking about doing that until i read the warning on my prenatal vitamins: do not take with or an hour after consuming dairy products. i'll have to ask the doc about that one. so i didn't drink any milk last night and had a terrific pain in my right leg trying to get out of bed. ok, enough complaining about aches and pains.

i worked out some numbers (with some help) and i think that maybe the cloth/washable diapers will save us some money on diapers. plus they are better for the environment (although, we are probably too far gone with our poor environment. i often wonder if it really matters... i guess it does for my conscience). anyway, i'm going to run it by Cory. i'm getting more and more organized with this pregnancy. i need to stay one up on things so that i don't feel so out of control. not that i think i can control everything. however, i do know that i tend to procrastinate. the procrastination gets worse as i get piled up with things to do. and then it's a never ending cycle of worry, anxiety and then depression when i feel inept.

last night i started making to do lists and lists of questions for doctors and other people i need to talk to. i also started purging some of the junk that is collecting dust in our house. it's all going in the garage sale this weekend. that reminds me, i need to go place that ad. blog ya later.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

um, i just read an article on BabyZone about twins. it said that parents of twins should expect to go through 140-200 diapers a WEEK!

Sam's Club here I come!

we'll probably have to buy another trash can for the street pick up too.

i was so emotional this morning i forgot to report on the meeting i went to last night. the parents of multiples club meets once a month. i went to the meeting for the first time last night. it was great talking to and hearing from parents (mostly mothers, of course) who are in the same boat. one woman even has triplets! they are thinking of creating a book of stories, vignettes, recipes, artwork, etc. themed on twins as a possible fund raiser. i think this is a great idea because i have not found many pregnancy/parenting books on twins. and the regular pregancy books only have maybe a page or two discussing twins.

one woman came up to me and said she was a newbie herself. she has twin boys and basically offered to give me anything we needed. another woman walked with me and the other pregnant woman to our car and talked about having one or two of everything. it made me want to go back and add some things to our registry. she said that she took the advice of some and just got one of certain things (like a play yard). now she is buying the second of those things because they actually NEED them. i might just add it and see if we get two of each. if we decide we don't need it, we'll take it back.

so the meeting was great. oh, and they also got their checks from the consignment sale that was last weekend. some of them made hundreds (even thousands!) of dollars from this sale. i am SO joining this group!

i've been thinking more about my job and the possibilies of staying home/working from home. i have some ideas to present to my boss and i think i'm going to do that tomorrow. wish me luck and send me prayers! if you pray, specifically ask that his mind will be open to these ideas.

i feel a lot better now.

my coworker is on a post-partum depression coalition. she met with a lady today who is a doula. the three of us talked about pregnancy, delivery and other issues too. i think she might be my birthing doula. she helped me calm down a lot.

i've also gotten into the groove of work too. i've got a deadline of the end of today to get my draft of a support group curriculum completed. i need to finalize it and print it tomorrow. i have a training with some guidance counselors on friday. i feel good that this is not going to be done at the last minute. of course, it would be nice to have it already completed. as long as i am not rushing to have it printed friday morning, i am good to go.

i hate feeling out of control like i had for the past 12 hours. i'm glad to be feeling better.

i just don't know where to begin with this blog. my thoughts are a mess and so are my emotions. i almost called in to take a "mental health" day. i didn't because i need all of the days i can keep for when i have to take maternity leave AND i have tons of work to do.

last night cory came home after i fell asleep at 10:15. i have no idea what time it was. he came to bed and we just started talking about somethings. all of the sudden, it turned into an argument about me wanting to stay at home. uh oh, now i am feeling emotional again. why can't i talk/write about this without getting upset! ok, deep breath... so anyway, i got myself worked up and a big old blubbery mess. but he just kept going on and on and on and on about working a second job and he was tired and he was sacrificing and so on. i just wanted to say "SO WHAT." i did ask him "What do you want, the father of the year award?" i'm not saying that i WON'T go back to work. i just want some understanding and i don't think i'm going to get that from him. and unfortunately, he is the one that i need it from the most. my mom said that one of her biggest regrets was having to leave my youngest brother at a sitters when he was just 6 weeks old. i know that i am going to be a basket case myself. i predict it already. i'm just not that strong emotionally. just send me to the psychiatric hospital now.

so then this morning, i guess i'm still not over it. i must be having one of these emotional waves or something. i was mean and snappy to him. then i realized what i was doing, and i was starting to think about changing that attitude. then he says something else insensitive to me and now i'm back to being gripey, mean and irritable. it's just one never ending cycle. i'm so tired. and i know that he is too. but what does he want from me? i just don't get it.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

i really meant to stay at work to do work. maybe i'll work on some meeting minutes for awhile. i am waiting to go to a meeting of the parents of multiples club. ok, now i am feeling guilty for being here and not really doing work. i'm going to type up some minutes now. my meeting is in 30 minutes, but it will only take me 5 minutes to get there (or less). that's why i stayed at work. it seems like EVERYTHING happens on this side of town. it is annoying because the driving around here gets worse and worse.

cory called and said that Jackie chewed up the cell phone charger. bad jackie

this article is great. sums it up quite nicely.

i am really concerned about my husband. he is simply exhausted. he feels all alone in the sense that he has to take a second job. i told him that there were probably A LOT of people who have to take second jobs, but he just didn't know any of them. i think the weight and financial responsibility of having children are hitting him pretty hard now. i am concerned too because the people in his family, who i think should be a source of support, are simply stressful themselves. his mother makes everything about her. his brother just wants to come over and play video games (which, that will end SOON). i'll just have to stay as positive as i can about all of this so that he can feel supported. i draw support from my mom. she is the best. she worries a lot too, but i think that she has learned to let go of some of that.

i think we are going to have a HUGE garage sale this weekend. we have our stuff, mother in law and sister in law's stuff, co worker is bringing some things, my brother is bringing some things, and my mom. i just hope that WE can make some money to add to our vacation budget. i will fight kicking and screaming to keep from putting anything on our credit card. i don't even want to think about how much debt we have. it makes me sick to my stomach. i think if we could get by with some junker cars for awhile, it would make a huge difference. car payments will eat you alive.

ok so American Idol didn't come on last night. oops. i ended up watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. i didn't get to finish the second episode because i got an important phone call. i wanted to see it because apparently this guy they helped has OCD and his apartment was a pig sty. nasty.

it took me 40 minutes to get to work today. i took all back roads from my house to the office. TDOT is making my life harder. if you notice on their web page, all of their "news" is about projects in KNOXVILLE. all of them affect routes that take me from home to work and back. i do need to find a better way than i took today. my dad travels all over town since he is a pool man, i think i'll ask him.

there is a meeting going on in the conference room. i hope it is a productive one.

i made a big pot of soup so that Cory would have something different to take for dinner tonight. he usually takes sandwiches for lunch. now that he is working a second job, he complained that he did not want to eat sandwiches all day. i don't blame him. so i made a 15 bean soup. it's pretty easy actually. the grocery story usually sells a bag of mixed beans that you can just soak and then cook. i add a can of diced tomatoes, an onion, GARLIC, and spices. it is goooood! so i brought the rest of it for lunch for everyone today. yum!

Monday, March 08, 2004

i knew this would happen. i am bored out of my mind. i should have brought some work home with me. that way i could be productive. maybe i'll mute the tv until American Idol.

i let the dog outside and she has not beaten on the door to be let in yet. i wonder what she is doing out there. it might be entertaining to have the dog do her own blog :)

things are REALLY starting to change and I don't know if i like it. (pouty face here)

my husband has taken a second job to help us pay some bills off and make it through having twins. he has done this before and he has also had jobs where he has worked 2nd shift, too. i think we have both been spoiled by his 8-5 schedule since he's worked at the bank. i actually LIKE having him around. that's why we got married, right? well, circumstances as they are, he is working 3 nights a week now at a home improvement store. we get a 10% discount, plus the added income. but then i miss him those night he's not here. i guess i should enjoy being alone in the peace and quiet (well, alone except for the dog). but i tend to get bored and then fall into TV land. i was thinking about going to my parent's house, but by the time i got home, just couldn't force myself to get into the car and get on the road again. again, i think it is the change, not the actual being alone that bothers me.

also, he told me today that he was feeling very tired. i am concerned because when he is stressed, it is difficult to get him to talk about it constructively. i am trying VERY hard to not be like his mom and badger him into talking. that is usually counterproductive. i am SURE that he is tired because he is extrememely stressed. but he won't talk to me about it and he is being short and saying things in a way that he only does when he is in high anxiety mode. i am just afraid for his health. diabetes runs in his family.

side note: i stopped for gas before coming home and was approached by a man asking me for $1 for gas. i had $12 in my hand, which probably didn't fill up my tank. i told him that i couldn't spare a $1. but i probably could have. now i feel guilty that i didn't do anything for him. i need to find a resource for people like that because this is not the first time, nor will it be the last time, that this happens to me. i just get frustrated when i feel like i can't do anything to help.

ok, i am now on the verge of extreme hunger. i'm going to scavenge now. i left the evil Girl scout cookies at work. otherwise, they might disappear.

yay! i feel so much better about what i do when i have a success story from an advocacy phone call. the person who called late friday afternoon had her issues resolved in a very timely manner. it was all because of a VERY caring psychiatrist at the center she was going to. if all psychiatrists were like him, we would have very few problems with the mental health system. the person calling us for help called me back and said that she would not lose her job. yay! she also said the doctor told her she did the right thing in calling the Mental Health Association. yay!

This is what kills me about the people who want to get rid of programs like TennCare. If this person did not lose her TennCare benefits, then she would have never been in the position she was in to potentially lose her job. she wanted to know if we needed anyone to help us out. she would be glad to tell her story. i think some people will take her up on that. she has a very compelling story to tell.

I have so much work to do, i just can't seem to focus. ok, i'm going to try to focus for another hour before i go home.

good start this morning. we discussed how to handle some issues and i feel better now.

it is almost 10:30 and i am STARVING. i'm eating some crackers to stave it off until lunch. my next dr. appointment is a week away. this sounds strange, but i would like to go sooner than that, just so i know that everything is ok. i've felt some movement, but not much and i really would like that reassurance. i think the manufacturers of those fetal heart monitors and dopplers play to the fears and anxieties of people just like me!

Sunday, March 07, 2004

went to mother in law's house after church. husband and mother in law proceeded to get into an immediate argument over some shower invitations for a party SHE is giving us. SHE asked us to print them on OUR computer. apparently she told cory to have them over there today so that she could mail them today. um, the shower is a month away. don't freak out over a day lost. (she wants to mail them tomorrow). I left the room where they were arguing and sat on the nice screened in porch. i played a game of tic tac toe with my nephew and ignored the others. they are all going to have heart attacks or strokes one day. soooo stressful. i wish she realized how her chronic anxiety and worry affected everyone else. i am convinced that she has diagnosable Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

i have felt like i'm in a fog since we went over there. i think it is the weather because it seemed to change instantaneously from sun and warm to rain, wind and cold. i've been fighting back a headache and feel generally sleepy. i did not sleep well last night and started having weird dreams. not dreams really, they almost seemed like "visions." i don't have flashbacks because i've not survived anything traumatic, but it kind of felt that way. i don't really want to say what the dream was because it is pretty scary. i guess my anxieties were coming out as i was half asleep, half awake. that tends to happen, you know.

ok, i need to go format this shower invitation. i know that she doesn't have a computer/printer, but i feel strange doing my own shower invitation. oh well....

I did not blog yesteday because I was soooo busy. Mom and I went to a consignment sale and people were lined up outside waiting to get in! We found some great deals. I later got some new tennis shoes (my foot has grown) and got my hair cut (i would say about 4-5 inches are gone). i think i lost a pound of hair. it feels much better.

i was exhausted when i got home. then my mother in law had to come over to drop off something. she actually wanted me to pull up my shirt and show her my belly. i just don't understand her thinking sometimes. she also wanted to know how much weight i've gained. i think my new philosophy on eating and weight is: eat healthy, don't worry about the weight.

my husband is reading over my shoulder. i think that i'll write something mean about him ;)

time to eat and finish getting ready. going to sing in choir this morning.

Friday, March 05, 2004

It is frustrating when people call on a Friday afternoon at 4 pm with a complicated advocacy call. and they need action by Monday. very frustrating.

it's almost time to go home! i had to turn the air conditioning on because it is 75! degrees outside. it is supposed to flood tonight. fun.

tomorrow i have big plans: wake up early to go to the parents of multiples consignment sale; get my hair cut; shop for shoes; take a nap. I love the weekend!

i need to do some personal things while i am here at work. make some phone calls for pregnancy related things and such.

i ate too much at lunch, and i actually started feeling a twinge of nausea. what is really bothering me is the knot that keeps forming in the middle of my back. i'd love to go to the chiropractor, but i just don't see how we can afford it. they also to x-rays, which could be harmful. i was told about a pre-natal yoga class i'm going to check on as well. time to go make some phone calls.

Thursday, March 04, 2004

i hate thinking about work when i am at home. i know this stress is not good for the babies. i need to do something about it before it starts to affect me physically and mentally (more so than now).
right now, i'm going to go watch Donald Trump fire someone!

i just don't know what to do. and i can't even write about it here. i am having some big time ethical dilemmas, and i am just not sure what to do. i had to write something because the stress and anxiety are really getting to me. oh sure, it could be worse, but it's pretty bad now. i hate to vague, however i have to protect myself.

stress stress stress. that's all i can say. it is a board meeting day and that's how these days usually go. Thank God for food!

Today I have a lot to do. I have a training in a next Friday that I do not have printed materials for. They are still in draft form!

I just made an appointment to meet with the pediatrician for the babies in May. One by one my tasks are getting done. When you look at all you have to do to prepare for an infant(s), it feels overwhelming at first. There is a song from Frosty the Snowman (I think?) that says "Put one foot in front of the other." Taking one step at a time seems less overwhelming. The next thing for me to do is get my birthing classes and hire a doula. I think i'll put that link on my permanant links on this blog. Ok gotta go call them.

ooh! I brought my back massager to work today. My back hurt so much last night I could barely move. I've never had pain in the middle of my back like that. I wish I could figure out what was causing it so that I could fix it! Massage is good!

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

All of you progressive, ultra-liberal or radical people out there must read Tom Tomorrow's blog. A link is on the right hand side of this page. Even if you aren't in any of those categories, he makes some important political statements. and don't forget to read his comic!

i have this pain in the middle of my back, right between my shoulder blades. i can't reach it myself so i think i'll have to get the massager and see if i can work it out. i have never had back pain in this part of my back. i usually get pain in my lower back and tailbone if i have back pain. this is a sharp pain, too.

choir practice was good tonight. i had been noticing something somewhat disturbing when i first started choir last year. i had trouble hearing my part and reading the music. i started playing handbells back in September. playing handbells (or any other instrument) is much more about reading music and counting the rhythm than singing is. don't get me wrong, you have to do that with singing too. however, the director can go over it several times and you don't have to just get it yourself. with an instrument, especially handbells, you have to count like mad. i think that since i've been playing, my old sight reading skills have come back. i sang with a somewhat elite group in college, and then i didn't sing for 2 almost 3 years while in graduate school. i even took voice lessons for 2 years in college and was getting pretty good at solo singing (you must be much more brave to sing solo than in a chorus). so anyway, i think i'm getting back into the groove. it's taken me over a year and a half to get there. i always end up sitting next to this one woman, and it is difficult because her voice is so powerful. she can read pretty well, but she thinks she is right all of the time, so she sings louder than anyone else. i don't know how much she listens. i do know that listening is important for blending in a chorus. so i often get 'led astray' by her, when i think i could do a better job on my own. i find it hard to make my voice blend with her powerful tone too. ah well, that is my dissertation on the church choir. i am really very lucky to have found a CHURCH choir that is so advanced. they are really extremely talented all around. one of the best i have ever heard or been a part of.

i wonder if this back problem has anything to do with sitting at the computer? i guess i'll go read or watch tv or something.

i'm finally back at the office after two meetings. do i need a raise? read this and find out!

ok well, maybe this article doesn't directly apply to me. i don't supervise anyone except a part time intern. but i will file it away when one day i am the boss of somebody!

i wore cropped pants and sandals today expecting it to be close to 70 degrees. i don't think the temperature has made it there. i'm glad i brought tennis shoes to walk in at lunch time!

Speaking of lunch, you shouldn't keep a pregnant woman waiting for food! there is a "closed door" meeting in the conference room and they have the lunch food in there! wah! it's really my own fault for not getting here earlier or asking anyone to make me a plate. they've been in there for an hour and i'm hoping that they will finish soon so that i can EAT!

i've got so much to do for the rest of this week and for next week. i have a big training on the 12th that i do not have the materials prepared or printed. i see some extra work in my future.

my main pregnancy worry today is that i have not felt the babies move yet. i THINK i've felt them some, but i am not really sure. i will be 20 weeks this friday. am i not supposed to feel them by now?? worry worry worry
i'm going to do some work to take my mind off of that. or maybe i'll look up some internet information on that. yeah that's what i'll do!

hilarious! i am in the bedroom getting ready, and i decided to pick the dog up and just hold her. she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and started growling and barking at the "other dog" she saw. i took her into the bathroom for a demonstration for my husband. that's the funny for the day :)

i'm killing time yet again until my shirt dries and it is time for me to leave. i don't have to be anywhere until 8:30 am and it's only 10-15 minutes away. much closer than my office.

i think today will be a good day. i often get tired of meetings but today i have two that i actually enjoy. one of them i think is a good meeting because we are a true working group that plans events and we actually do something beneficial for the community.

i have to call and yell at my doctor's billing company in a few minutes. they billed me again for something i've alread paid. if you don't stay on top of this stuff, they can really stick it to you.

oh yeah, my brother in law did not come over, even after we offered him free food. he wanted to go out to eat. i bet he spends about $200-300 a month just on eating out (that is a conservative estimate, because he often takes us with him and pays). i'll take free food any day over eating out.

i can't think of anything else to blog right now. not much has happened yet today. probably more to blog later.

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

my brother in law was supposed to be here about 30 minutes ago. husband and b-in-l are planning to play a playstation game. husband and i have plans to watch American Idol at 8 pm. it is now 10 after 7. i just told my husband that if they wanted to play a game that they wouldn't have time to finish it before 8.

now i am being asked to get off of the internet so that he can make a phone call. i would be interested to see what would happen if the tables were turned, and i asked him to get off the internet in the middle of "setting line ups" for some goofy fantasy sports team.

i really wanted my brother in law to get over here and get gone before i tried to really relax this evening. i like him as a person, but he is just such a large person (not just in body) that he really takes up a lot of my personal space. he always claims the recliner that i really need at this point in my pregnancy. i like to sit in my own living room with no restrictions. i usually can't do that when he is here. i guess that i am usually around and talk to so many people during the day, that i want to be alone with my husband and my dog in the evenings. there won't be very many more days when it will be just the 3 of us.

these feelings are in conflict with the fact that my husband and his brother are probably the best friends that they each have. that is a great sibling relationship and i don't want to come in between that. it is just difficult for me to strike a balance sometimes. i also go to be at 10 pm and usually they are playing games until later than then. i like to have my hubby in bed with me :(
i guess i'll just have to get over it. it will all change soon and he won't be coming over like this much longer when the babies are here.

i've been advised to remove some work related items from my blog. this may be a good idea. i think i'll just make them posts and not publish them. sorry!

Here are a few more of what my friends said in response to that "how well do you know me?" email. These are all college friends.
Rachael
Where did we meet: W&L summer scholoars, probably in the chorus!
Take a stab at my middle name: Absolutely no idea.
How long have you known me: About ten years right, since Summer Scholars was 1994?
Do I smoke: No.
Do I believe in God: I believe so.
What was your first impression of me upon meeting: You seemed to know lots of people and you could sing!
Color of my eyes: Brown
Do I have any siblings: Yes
What's one of my favorite things to do: Sing
Do you remember one of the first things I said to you: Noooo...
What's my favorite type of music: I could see you as the easy listening type (as am I...). Maybe some country?
What is the best feature about me: You have the most awesome, cynical, biting humor (Elliot thinks you're hilarious, by the way!)
Am I shy or outgoing: I think you're outgoing, but that doesn't mean you're in everyone's face.
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules: You follow the rules.
Any special talents: Again: singing!
Would you consider me a friend: Yes!
If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be: Well, schmal, come on...
What's your favorite memory of me? I don't know if this is my favorite memory, but I have was thinking about you, cuz I was looking at my college pictures, and I have a pic of you, Keri, Pamela and I, as members of the Independent Bowling Team. Do you remember this?!?!

Keri
Your name: Keri Dunphy
Where did we meet: Lexington, VA at Summer Scholars at Washington and Lee University.
Take a stab at my middle name: You didn't have one until you married; now it is Cockrum.
How long have you known me: 10 years (yikes!)
Do I smoke: No way, Jose.
Do I believe in God: Yes, ma'am.
What was your first impression of me upon meeting: Strange phone-fixin' lady.
Color of my eyes: Brown.
Do I have any siblings: Yes - Eli and Cody.
What's one of my favorite things to do: Sleep.
Do you remember one of the first things I said to you: Yes -- "Ya need your phone fixed?"
What's my favorite type of music: You like lots of types of music!
What is the best feature about me: You are very loyal and caring.
Am I shy or outgoing: Kind of shy at first.
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules: You like to rebel (and sometimes do!) but often feel pressured by the rules.
Any special talents: You can sing like no other.
Would you consider me a friend: Of course!
If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be: SCHMALICE!
What's your favorite memory of me: Too many to choose.

Kendra
Your name: Kendra
Where did we meet: On the 4th Floor of Gilliam in college
Take a stab at my middle name: Trick question! You don't have a middle name. But now you kinda have one, since you can use your maiden name, Cockrum
How long have you known me: 8+ years. Goodness, has it really been that long?
Do I smoke: No. I don't think you've ever even tried a cigarette.
Do I believe in God: Absolutely! Your faith is amazing and impressive.
What was your first impression of me upon meeting: I remember you seemed really nice and sweet and I hoped that we would get to know each other, especially since you already had all these friends from Summer Scholars.
Color of my eyes: Green/Hazel
Do I have any siblings: 2
What's one of my favorite things to do: Chilling out and watching stupid movies or having interesting political conversations.
Do you remember one of the first things I said to you: That first semester of college is all a blur. (Protective amnesia)
What's my favorite type of music: You're very ecletic.
What is the best feature about me: You are very warm and caring
Am I shy or outgoing: I'd say you're shy until you get to know someone and then you open up, and are very outgoing.
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules: I'd say you rebel within very defined norms, but you generally follow the rules.
Any special talents: I'd say your fertility is your current special talent. Talk about overacheiving!
Would you consider me a friend: ABSOLUTELY!!! One of my very best friends?
If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be: (This question cracks me up! There are so many to chose from!) But of course, it's Schmalice!
What's your favorite memory of me: I think it's Senior Year Spring Term hanging out, going to Goshen. That was definitely the best!

i'm so excited! i just found out that one of my friends from college and his wife are going to have a baby! he sent me the pictures of her first ultrasound. the fetus looks like a tadpole right now. she had one early to date the pregnancy. they are both red-heads, so i wonder if they will have a red headed baby. how exciting! i wish that we lived closer so that we could meet and chat about being pregnant. it's almost like you have your own new club when you are pregnant and you notice other pregnant women (even perfect strangers) and want to compare stories.

i try to stay positive about going to talk to high school students but sometimes it is really difficult and discouraging. especially today when it is nasty and rainy outside. especially when you just want to stay in bed.

i sent out this email i got called "how well do you know me?" i just want to publish what my husband said because it has me on the verge of tears.
Your name: Cory Brown
Where did we meet: AOL/Java
Take a stab at my middle name: ________
How long have you known me: 5 years
Do I smoke: better not
Do I believe in God: yes
What was your first impression of me upon meeting: What a hot mama
Color of my eyes: Brown
Do I have any siblings: yes, 2 awesome brothers
What's one of my favorite things to do: Read and eat
Do you remember one of the first things I said to you: not really
What's my favorite type of music: anything on 100.3 the river!
What is the best feature about me: intelligence
Am I shy or outgoing: in between, but starting to come out of your shell.
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules: a little of both
Any special talents: Singing and Trivial Pursuit heiress
Would you consider me a friend: I really hope so
If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be: Schmalice
What's your favorite memory of me: Everyday

can you believe that?! he is so sweet!

i'll publish what other people said in response to this email later. some of them are pretty funny, maybe not to anyone else, but certainly to me!

Monday, March 01, 2004

i've added yet another list of links to my blog. if i knew how to, i would just have my own website. oh well. maybe one day i can take a class or something like that. for now, this is all i have. so check out some of my favorite artists/bands in my new list.

i know that i am getting tired. however, my feet and hands are swelling again. i just need to be salt-free. i am sure that it is the food i had for dinner that contributed to this problem. my eyes are starting to cross and my head is heavy. i just looked at my hands and it is very disturbing. i'll try to drink some more water but it will just mean i have to get up in the middle of the night. ok, i need to get ready for bed.

i guess that blogging could be ok and not be a "soft addiction" like TV. at least i am thinking and not doing something mind-numbing. after a few days of actively avoidng TV (rather than being sucked in), i rather enjoy the other things that i've been doing. i used to read A LOT. i think after graduate school, i found it very hard to read for fun. reading was my escape, but it's also how i learned a lot of what i still find valuable now. i wish i could get back into that groove. i am working on it, slowly but surely. i still have a shelf full of books from the used book store that i have not read. i promised myself to not buy any new books until i read what is on that shelf! well, i have a few new books but they are mainly about pregnancy, which became an urgent matter for research!

ok, now i really am going to bed. night night.

i'm just hanging out here on the internet waiting until my bed time. i have to go to a school tomorrow but i don't have to be there until 10 am. it's not a school i enjoy going to because the teacher is creepy. i'm going to go look up some web pages and possibly add them to my blog.

ok found it.

if you've never seen Good Eats, you must see it. it is kind of like Bill Nye the Science Guy but with food. what could be better? science and food together! for a big nerd like me, the combination is great. according to the show i've linked above, peanuts aren't real nuts. they are legumes. very interesting...

it is very warm in this office. i thought my swelling was going down. now that i am hot, my hands and feet continue to be swolen. not a fun feeling. now i've gotten some things done and feel better about my day. meeting minutes and reports for last month are completed!

i have this trail mix in my desk drawer i've been snacking on. the soy bean nuts in the mix are really good! i'm going to have to find some soy bean nuts when i finish this bag. i think that i could live on nuts. ooh! there was a good show on the Food Network this weekend. let me see if i can find it!

i wish that i could go to this lecture.

it is about blogging.

i have accomplished practically nothing today. i have 4 more hours to get my butt in gear. i'll be out a lot of the day tomorrow.

I have added a new list of links to my blog. since i am a mental health advocate, i thought that some mental health links would be good to have on this page. and then maybe i can pretend that i am actually doing work too! ha! i'll add a link to my yahoo group when i get it all listed.

i survived the audit! actually, this was not a full audit. the finance people will be here next month to go through the financial part of the audit. today was just a program audit. my co-worker is meeting with the auditor right now and i hope that she feels ok when she is finished. i think she is nervous.

nothing else to mention right now. just trying to get in the work mindset. i'd like to go outside. it looks like nice weather.

i did not blog yesterday because i guess because i was having too much fun living my life!

i played the handbells at church yesterday and it was the best i have done since i started playing. that felt good. i always enjoy singing with the choir, which i also did yesterday. i came home and we went for lunch at Sonic. then we went and picked up my brother in law's rottie puppy to take her and our dog for a walk. i didnt' like our previous city mayor, but he sure did have some nice parks made. then i came home and took a 2 hour nap. we went to la target (said with a French accent) and the grocery store. i read some of the Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy (the best pregnancy book i've read so far) and then watched the Oscars until i fell asleep. that was my day!

today is monday from hell day at work. we are being audited by the state. i am not really worried about my work because i know i work my ass off. i am worried about my boss and what kind of mood he will be in. as a co worker says, he's got his ass in a sling so maybe he'll be fine. our agency is running huge deficit that he misled the board about. (in my mind and probably theirs too) so they called an emergency executive committee meeting for this week. this will be very interesting. i'll update here when i can.

i suppose that i won't do much blogging while the state auditors are here. i have no idea how long they will be there either. i better go so i can get to work early and straighten my office. bye for awhile!